Monthly Archives: January 2013

Let’s Get Real, Let’s Be Real

I was looking at myself in the mirror today and I decided it was time to be real with myself.

Let’s get real. I need to get real, be real, be open with myself. This has to stop now.

I wasn’t joking. I was tired. I was tired of the cycle. Even if the problem itself didn’t change, at least my mindset would.

Pity-Party, making excuses for not keeping up my bible studies, for acting in the flesh. MY SILLY EXCUSES.

I realized it was because I didn’t fully understand who I was. I asked this question over and over:  who am I?

Why am I allowing myself to dictate what I am and who I am and what I should do. I know what I need to do. I know it with every part of me.

I remember hiding in church. When the pastor was speaking about reaching the youth and allowing God to use the church in a mighty way, I was hiding. Silly, how could I hide from God? Time and Time again I asked God to use me, but now when the topic was discussed in church, I wanted to act like I didn’t hear it.

I was craving a comfortable life. I was craving routine. I was craving pleasure. I was tired of the stress, the drama, all that comes with being a christian.

It’s not easy serving Christ. We have to surrender our wants every day. We have to let him take control. We have to stop thinking so much and start doing. We have to persevere. We have to forgive. We have to be at peace. We can’t lust for things of the world. We have to be aware of our actions. We have to throw EVERYTHING AWAY.  There were some things I didn’t want to throw away and for the longest, I’ve been throwing mini tantrums. I was angry. I didn’t want to always help people, I didn’t even want to be around people. There were days where I wanted to curl up in bed and not even move.

I didn’t want to pray all the time. Shoot, I didn’t even want to eat some days. Some days, I wondered why I had to deal with such rubbish people. Sometimes I questioned why I was even placed on this earth.

It was just one big pile of pity drama. It was one big pile of selfishness. I wanted to hide in a corner, live and die. I wanted to cling to the sins in my life that made me feel human, and comfy, that felt good ( for the moment). I didn’t want to admit to myself that it was wrong, though I knew it was wrong and would say it was so. But deep down, I felt that it had become part of my identity. But I would always say: God free my from this.

How would God believe me if I don’t keep asking and keep seeking. How would God believe me if I keep hiding.

How foolish am I to think I can hide from God. I had to be real with myself. No more sugar coating.

There are times I’m mature but very many times when i’m immature. Yes I’m human, but I serve Christ. There is no excuse for not seeking him with every ounce of my frail life.

Who am I to think that I can be holy on my own? How can I be full of love, full of Christ, full of the spirit, if I do not seek God?  If I feel that I can seek him part-time and do the rest on my own? From my teen age years, this was my main problem. I ran away and here is it again.

I will put away childish things. I will humble myself and seek God for everything, even my attitude towards the things I cling to.

Even with my faults, God’s grace covers me. Psalms 65 always comes to me.

Maybe my next post will highlight the notes in my devotional journal. It brought me so much joy and peace.

But this blog post is REAL. Get real, Get real. Life is SHORT. Get real with yourself and allow God to get REAL in your life. Let him be real in your life.

God is responsible for all the joy in my life, why can’t I let him do his job.

There is so much freedom in letting God do his job. I know this. Daniel comes to mind as I write this.

Daniel was free in every way as he trusted in God for everything.  Despite temptation, tribulation;  he kept his eyes focused on God.

This is what I want.

1/28/2013

  • Listening to music.
  • Having an epiphany.
  • Making a YouTube video and getting all my thoughts in order.
  • Waking up with my hair experiment looking not like a hot mess.
  • Peace and quiet.
  • Noticing how much weight I lost and keep losing.
  • Full of Joy despite how messed up I am.
  • Remembering from scripture how CHRIST”S GRACE covers ALL MY SINS and DEFECTS.
  • Story-time ( Grimm Fairy Tales)  with my online buddies- might be my new hobby.

1/26/2013

  • Drinking a slushie in a cold house.
  • Receiving an email with someone’s feelings.
  • Watching a show that exposes me to a new way of seeing things or confirming what I already believe.
  • Blue Skies
  • Yesterday it snowed but today it was surprisingly warm and sunny.
  • Ending the day with a hot shower, a good show and prayer.

When We Have Cloudy Days

1/25/2013

Two bad days so far, but I decided that pity-party is counter productive and not my style. I did a lot of bad things today from my thoughts, to my attitude, and my actions. However, these promises I rest on:

1.        God’s grace is sufficient to cover all my defects.

  • And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

2.    If I seek him everyday for renewal and guidance, he will reply.

  • And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.( Jeremiah 29:13)
  • Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. (Matthew 7:7)

3.    All my burdens, Jesus will freely take.

  • Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. (Matthew 11:28)

4.    I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. (Philippians 4:13)

5.    God is healer, provider, and his Spirit sanctifies.

  • But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatever I have said to you. (John 14:26)
  • Likewise the Spirit also helps our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. (Romans 8:26)

So bad days are meant to remind us that we are human and need God always.

Standing Up To a Bully

I am not a child. I haven’t been a child for a long time now, but I still deal with a big bad bully ( well this person thinks he/she is big and bad) who always waits out to catch me doing something he/she doesn’t like.

I said the most powerful words I think I’ve ever said: ” There is nothing you can do that will take away my Joy. You can try and try, but I am happy and content with my life.” 

I think this was more for me than for this person. I use to let this person terrorize my life. I use to get angry and flustered every time this person bothered me. I would cry and wonder why this person is in my life.

However, this statement made me realize that the joy of God exceeds ALL circumstances. Not only financial or health circumstances but ALL circumstances. A  joy that helps me focus on what’s more important : being proactive.

Self pity, depression, anything and everything JUST because of someone else is giving them power over you.

Neither do you stoop to a bully’s mentally. Remember you are a Child of God and he/she is as well.

This is something God is showing me and for many years I was bullied by all kinds of people.

Stand up to your bully with grace, class and a confidence that only comes from Christ. No one has the right to take away what God has given you, but if you sit back and allow them to take it away, you will have no one to blame but yourself.

1/22/2013

  • Waking up before the sun.
  • Feeling refreshed after a long, peaceful sleep.
  • A yummy but not so healthy breakfast. ( Yes I am trying to stay healthy)
  • A deep conversation with a family member.
  • Hot Coco in a very frigid house.
  • Sitting in bed, in the dark , in solitude. ( Oh Joy! )
  • Reading articles and venting my opinions in Facebook statuses. ( Poor face book friends)
  • Talking to a stranger about something personal and getting better responses than from close friends or family. ( Odd right? )

1/21/2013

  • Waking up before the sun.
  • Editing my blog and actually finishing! ( woo!)
  • Spending a few hours in peace.
  • Reflecting on past experiences and rejoicing because of what God has done and is currently doing in my life. ( I actually cried, it was refreshing and needed).
  • My pants fit very loosely.
  • Looking back at my recent photos and seeing how visible the weight loss is.
  • Having enough change to buy chocolate and my 1 of my favorite beverages ( MALTA!)