Monthly Archives: March 2013

True Worship

I don’t know where this came from, where I read it or where I heard it from, but I had a realization that true worship isn’t in the form of singing and dancing but walking in holiness and being blameless before God.

When we live out our lives with God as the center and first of everything, that’s when others can see the transformation that God is doing in us.

It starts where we are now. It starts in our homes with our family, at our job and when we walk down the street.

It starts with a smile and leads to a kind word and ends with a godly gesture.

It starts with words of edification and encouragement. We are called to be people of Love.

We cannot do this outside of God. It won’t happen until we understand what Christ did for us and what it truly means when he says that he loves us. That’s when worship becomes real.

Playing Catch-Up

I know for the last few weeks I haven’t posted any Joys of the day.

Here is a quick recap of the previous weeks:

  • Finally went to a much needed doctors appointment. -Received great news. 
  • Wrote a series of poems after a creative drought.
  • Lost 1 pound since starting new workout regimen.
  • Loving how healthy and beautiful my hair is.
  • Had a comforting and inspiring chat with an older and wiser Christian Friend.
  • Made amends with some people in my life. YAY
  • Felt the Joy in Prayer and closeness to God.
  • Found something I had lost.
  • Woke up with the Sun.
  • Made delicious meals and enjoyed them.
  • Heard great news in regards to a prayer request. God is so good!

Before I started this blog it was hard to find Joy in the everyday, but there are blessings and joy in the smallest things. Now I can hold each little memory in my heart.

Marking Territory

So the last few blog posts were titled: “Silence in the Darkness”. However, today’s blog post will be a progression from that.

There is still silence in regards to some issues in my life, but I feel for the most part God has spoken. It was a comforting realization. It’s so funny how repetitious God is with his forgetful people.

Silence is one way for people to slow down and become more aware of their surroundings. I was doing too much, caring too much and needing too much from people that couldn’t give me what I needed. Daily life was distracting me from who was more important. My needs weren’t even the most important. It was like a friendly reminder that God wanted to show me more about his character. Forget life, forget the daily needs like food, clothing, shelter etc. My Spirit was lacking in that I wasn’t seeking God like I needed to.

Distractions are everywhere. Laziness knocks at our door. Negativity drains us. If we do not follow God, these things will reek havoc on our quality of life, on our quality time with God and our spiritual progression.

So now, I am called to open my mouth and speak. Not to my peers but to God. Now is the time to tell him exactly how I feel, what I need and how much I trust in him. Now is the time to remind Satan who I serve. Now is the time to experience my salvation on a whole new level forgetting past hurts, limitations etc.

Now is the time God is revealing himself to me, what he expects of me and a future that will blow minds.

Despite how badly I want a normal life, I know that a life in Christ will be far from normal. I can feel that each trial and test is strengthening my faith and building my character. I had made it out alive from one storm. I didn’t come out without scars but I am alive and I see visible muscles.

Either way, now is the time to mark boundaries, chase after the creator and allow him to direct my life. There is still a level of calm, quiet and uncertainty but that’s OK.

 

Poetic Story II

Help me to swim
I don’t want to drown
in a sea of lifelessness.

Can’t help but look at myself
and see the struggles I face
day to day…

It’s like a never ending cycle
of false hope and broken dreams

I keep reminding myself
that it will get better
someday….

I was never taught how to swim
watched everyone sinking around me
I have my head above water but I’m slowing sinking

Can’t help but feel as if it’s from my own
fear of what holding on to you would mean.

Would it means a life I am not use to?
Would it mean that I would lose the last bits of my life
even though I desperately want to throw it away?

Does anyone relate to this feeling?
A tug of war of what I should do and what I feel like doing.

A bubbling over of anger at life and at myself for being so unpredictable;

Never in my life had I felt the touch of happiness
it was always full of pain

I was hoping that now, I could feel that
but I’m stuck here

gazing at my fingers, wondering why they are still here.

Why is each and every finger still here?

Count to ten and let it all explode

one by one feeling each sorrowful memory
dissipate into nothingness.

When I feel like sinking

it’s because I look backwards

not forwards.

I’m distracted

and weak.

Emotions are obsolete in the world of faith.

It’s what we know…

Like I know I have ten fingers…

Poetic Story I

Knock on the door.

It opens and I see a mirror.

I look into it and see no reflection

so I throw it to the floor.

I close the door.

I walk to the end of the corridor.

I see a window.

I pull it open with all my might

but the sky is empty

pitch black and cold.

I slam the window shut.

I turn on my heel and run for the exit

but the door was bolted shut.

I fall to my knees

and all I can do is stare at my hands.

I hadn’t notice they were wrinkled and old.

Aged.

Bruised.

The sound of time fills the air.

It echoes in the halls and bounces off walls

and slam into doors

and rattle hanging objects.

Each movement of time

Each moment of progression

and yet, I am still on my knees

counting my fingers to see if they were all still there.

They are still here.

Silence In The Darkness II

I think my actions forced me into silence. Honestly, I am very happy to have this silence. I am free to think. I am free to study. I am free to seek.

As confusing life is to me, I know that God has not deserted me. As evil my nature is, God has not turned his back on me.

Sometimes we can have good intentions, sometimes we think we are doing the right thing for ourselves to find out that it was flat-out wrong. But the joy I have is in productivity.

I am no longer a busy body like my teenage self doing everything and anything. I calculate my days and what needs to get done. I make time to take care of my body and adopting proper eating habits.

However, there is still room for improvement. My last post was titled:  “Silence in the darkness”.

I know for a fact that this is the silent part of my journey. I already know that I am a hopeless human being but I didn’t realize how hopeless I was.

As dismal as that is, the reality of it all is that I’m realizing more and more that only God is good and there is no way that I can be good in my own strength.

Not spending time in God’s presence is my problem. I always say I don’t have time even when I do. It’s always an excuse for me. The passion has left and I blame it on time. Then when something pops up I get upset with myself and the cycle continues.

Don’t get me wrong, I do think about God and I thank him for all he does in my life. However that is not enough. At some point I realized that I was spiritually blind. Spiritually dumb.

I was comfortable in my own folly. I made excuses for my own sins and  attitudes. I made goals without asking God exactly when and how.

It’s way to easy to fall off track when you make excuses. It’s way too easy to fall of track when you are worrying about who hurt you or how tired you are after a long day of work and chores. It’s easy to fall off track when you are too caught up being angry with yourself.

I decided this was a wake up call. Honestly, I am tired of wake up calls. I want to reach a place where they are few and far in between.

The word of God is like a flicker of light, a spark of fire in the darkness. Every sparkle and every flick illuminates each tile, brick or step of the way. It doesn’t illuminate the whole path, just the steps we need to take.

Satan is on the side lines trying to divert our attention  to what he has to offer ( the state of the world) . It may be enticing because it is easy, or maybe because everyone is doing it. Other times it could be because the light hasn’t shown up fast enough. Some of us could be on one step or tile for years. It seems fitting that we can take a detour.

However, as we move from beginners or babies to mature or elders, Satan’s tactics would soon begin to appear dull or desperate. He might even try new ways but because of our maturity in Christ we can rest on what we know of him and his ways/timing.

The Holy Spirit is with us throughout this journey. He reminds us of what we know and he will reveal to us what we need to know. That’s the comfort we have. He also gives us the authority and the power to stand against the bully ( Satan) in Jesus name.

This is exactly how it’s coming to me and it’s making sense. Along the way we develop new skills called virtues that help us reach our goal: heaven.  Most importantly it also  living life as a testimony of God’s grace and love for everyone. Soon that spark will light up other lives. I always wondered what makes a christian mature and now I’m seeing that it comes from experience: trials and tribulations.

Being alone in the dark is scary at first but sometimes necessary. We begin to notice our surroundings, our spiritual state and our relationship with God.

I guess despite everything, today was a good day.