I decided as an act of obedience, to the Word of God, to share my recent testimony with everyone I know.
Pretty much I was troubled in my sleep for many many years. As time went on it, progressed to not being able to completely rest without guilt. I had to always prove I wasn’t lazy because a family member had negative things to say about everything I did. I grew up wanting to be strong and I tried my best being better than them. I wanted to be loving and kind , strong and wise. I felt as if I had raised myself. I didnt realize the amount of stress I was under trying to defy the words spoken over me and my future . I’ve had so many negative things spoken over me as a child and rarely anything positive without any insult added.
The LORD carried me through a series of steps. I was allowed to hide away and live in my own world where I was happy and free but it only took me so far. Last year, God placed me in a church where I could no longer hide and fade into the shadows. Almost every service God was speaking to me and exposing and removing the junk from my life. I struggled in my own strength for many years. My motto would be “I’m tired”. I knew if this continued I would die. The LORD said rest. I fought that too. Finally, on Saturday, I read scriptures instead of self help articles pertaining to sleep and rest. I was also watching youtube sermons about faith. I confessed what I read and heard. That rest is my right in christ. I have the right to rest and rest peacefully. I spoke to verbal curses from my past spoken over me, that they may be broken in Jesus name. That very night, as I slept, I was harrassed by an spirit that tried to choke me. I woke up and called out the name of Jesus but I couldnt go back to sleep after. I asked the Lord for energy to make it through service.
Again, I was put on the spot and I was very angry. I was so angry that I couldn’t speak. I was asked to say something in faith but instead of just doing it, I felt embarrassed and wanted to hide. It wasnt even logical because in my head, I had no idea why I was scared. I just wanted to be left alone. I didn’t want anyone to notice me. I just wanted to enjoy the service and go on my way. Basically I wanted to be invisible. But my church family prayed for me when I couldnt pray for myself. That same feeling of suffocation returned and I knew if I didnt pray I’d die. It was so hard to speak but I finally said “I will serve the Lord with all my mind, heart and soul.
I know I can do anything in Christ. I dont have to hide anymore or be ashamed of my struggles. My struggles are here to give God glory because he has rescued me time and time again. I don’t have to prove to myself that I’m not worthless or that I have to work harder than anyone else to be loved by God. The Lord has called me to speak, therefore I will speak. Not for my own gain but because of the Kingdom of Heaven and the work he has prepared for me to do.
May the LORD Jesus Christ be praised now and forever.