I feel as if these last few days, especially today, that I’m on a purge. The last couple of weeks leading up to yesterday were hard internally. I have finally allowed myself to listen to the still, small voice,( I had no choice lol) and one by one, the stressors in my life were dropping off like dead flies. All my pent up frustrations came out. They still bombard my mind here and there, but now I see it as a purge. My mind is processing everything and bring it to the surface. However, it is my duty to face them, not ignore them. When I get these memories, I process them and sort them out. I slap the word of God on them too, when necessary. I’m basically talking some sense into me.
It’s so strange that as I am writing this, I feel emotional. ( No, I’m not crying, I promise.) I just feel this burst of joy for the first time ever. True Joy. Like everything will be Okay because God says so. I feel like I’m in surgery and God is my doctor. He’s doing some intense surgery.
I woke up today and saw my true beauty for the first time. Physical and everything else. Not from a place of retaliation or that fake it till you make it phase, but truly accepting and embracing who I am today. I don’t feel that rush I usually feel. But I know that if I ever feel like rushing, God always puts something in my way to slow me down. So there is no point. The slowing down process is painful! Lol
I believe that the more I learn about Christ, the more I learn about myself.
It’s an amazing feeling. I guess I can call it contentment. Yes… That’s what I’ll call it…