Monthly Archives: May 2017

I AM Truly Happy!

The strangest thing has been happening to me within the last couple of days.

I’ve been feeling happy and joyful. Extremely happy and joyful! The happiest I’ve ever felt in my life. I’ve honestly never been happy before. There were days I’ve felt really really low and my somewhat good days were when I felt numb. I was that girl that got her work done, laughed with friends but deep inside I was sad.

One day recently, I just stopped and noticed that I no longer felt sad, numb or worried. I enjoy living in the moment and any turbulence in my life is met with prayer. I think that was the turning point in my life, when I turned to God in prayer. I prayed for most of my life, but my prayer life has changed drastically when I realized these few things:

  1. God is sovereign: He is in complete control.
  2. God is loving and kind: seriously, He really loves us!
  3. I no longer had to hide away from Him in anyway: intimacy was something I always wanted but then I realized that true intimacy starts with God; baring my whole heart to Him without fear.
  4. I stopped subconsciously trusting people. I was always cynical by nature but even cynical people deep down are afraid of being hurt. While, I am wiser now and enforce proper boundaries with people, I hold everyone and everything loosely.
  5. I enjoy people for who they are, right now. Not who I want them to be or who I think they are and not fearing if they will hurt me in the future. Guess what, they will and might but I’ll be okay.
  6. Take everything to God in prayer: take ALL of your concerns to God. Every single one of them, including the small ones. I tell Him everything and I pray at all times.
  7. I forgive: this is a big one. People have forgiveness all wrong. They think forgiveness means hanging out with said offender. Uhm, no. Some people are just too toxic and dangerous for that. Forgiveness is something God strengths us to do. Just because it’s a command in the Bible, doesn’t mean it’s something we produce in our own strength. Remember, if we abide in Christ, who is the Vine, He will abide in us and we will produce good fruit. When I pray for my enemies, it opens my heart for the power of God to transform it. I have come to the place where I do not want anyone or anything to come between me and my God.
  8. There’s more but I cannot think of them at the moment. (HA HA)

I’ve been feeling so happy lately that it makes no sense. It leaves me feeling very uncomfortable at times. I’ve gotten so use to being sad that now when I’m happy, I have no idea how to behave.

However, I am excited about my future. I try not to look too far ahead but as I am enjoying my life, day to day, I have come to accept that everyday is a step towards a brighter future.

Depression is a real struggle. It’s a battle for your LIFE. Not just your mind or your emotions, not even your body, but your LIFE. Satan wants to snuff you out! It doesn’t matter if you are a Christian or not, Satan’s goal is to destroy as many people as He can before His time is up. Literally, the personification of “misery loves company.”

He will try to mess with your mind: there are many influences out there that are anti-God and anti-Christ that has even seeped into the Church. He will use your childhood experiences, your failures, hurts and pains to make you feel utterly hopeless.

The moment I decided that I hated Satan, God’s enemy, was the day my life changed. What does this mean you ask? Well, I began to see the commands of God differently. I see holiness as security and protection. I saw it as worship to God. I now see holiness as my weapon of mass destruction against Satan’s kingdom. I start seeing obedience as worship to a God that I love. When I focus on God, Satan cannot win. The righteousness of God transforms me and allows me to be an agent of peace wherever I go. Then the love of God will spread to everyone I meet. It will touch someone. I might not know I am touching someone’s life, but God knows.

You see, I am not an active witness and I don’t plan to be unless God says otherwise. And I’ve come to accept that it’s okay to be exactly who I am. I am my best being simply who I am.

I guess I’m done, have a great weekend! ♥

Being Vulnerable Isn’t The Answer.

While I understand the idea of being vulnerable, something about this way of living doesn’t seem right to me. I don’t want to be vulnerable. Let’s look at the definition of vulnerability:

adjective
1. capable of or susceptible to being wounded or hurt, as by a weapon:

a vulnerable part of the body.
2. open to moral attack, criticism, temptation, etc.:

an argument vulnerable to refutation; He is vulnerable to bribery.
3. (of a place) open to assault; difficult to defend:

a vulnerable bridge.
It basically means being open to attack, criticism and emotional wounds. Now excuse me for a moment but what is so noble about that? I had to take a step back and assess a really well meaning statement from someone but it didn’t sit right with me. I do not follow the crowd or go with what everyone wants to preach nowadays. I conducted a google search, to see if I find any sermons on vulnerability. I did, but I also found psychology articles as well.
The heart is a tender organ. It is also a place where we store our feelings. I keep going back to what Proverbs 4:23 (KJV) : Above all else, guard your heart for out of it flow the issues of life. What are we guarding our hearts from?

Let’s go back to the definition :

  • Moral Attack
  • Criticism
  • Temptation to sin
  • Emotional wounds

When we have a wounded heart, we start living out our wounds. The wounds become sores of bitterness that clouds our judgement and makes it easier for us to sin.

This is why the company we keep is so important. This is why we must deal with the wounds of our hearts from early childhood and continuously in our daily lives.

How does one guard their heart? Great question! This is not something we do in our own power. Time does not heal wounds. Time and complete avoidance also doesn’t protect us. Yes, we must wisely shun temptation and bad influences in every form but for events and circumstances outside of our control, we must have a deep and active relationship with God. We must present our cares, concerns, feelings and wounds to Him. We must be open to Him alone! We must not put our trust in other human beings that have limited knowledge and resources but in the Almighty God who is sovereign: all powerful and all knowing. By the power of His Spirit will He enable us to truly forgive and live freely. In Christ, we have the ability to live godly lives with a PURE HEART. A pure heart is not a wounded one. A wounded heart will eventually seek revenge but a pure heart seeks God. A pure heart accepts God for who He is : A strong tower, a place of refuge and safety.

I learned that the best thing to do is to run to God first. In many cases, God was the only one I could run to. No one understood what I was going through, others didn’t care, and honestly, no one can fix me.

No one can fix us. No one can heal us. No one can deliver us. No one can protect us but God alone. Yes, God sends people into our lives to minister to us but we must always put people in their proper place, giving praise to God alone and allowing it to point back to Him. Anyone or anything that tries to override God’s place in your life is a false god.

Guard your heart, be wise and trust God.

Freedom In Christ

Freedom is a mentality not a condition. How do I know this? Well, the Bible touches on many points about faith and belief in God. We are not putting our mental focus on ourselves, capabilities, or circumstances but we put our faith, hope and trust in Christ who saves us from sin and the sting of death. This brings healing and freedom that self-effort cannot.

It took me two years to become who I am today. We all know that I have been alive for a couple years now (Laugh ) but what I mean is, the transformed person I am today took two years. It was a grueling process of God exposing things in my heart and then making a decision to seek God for help. At first it was hard and confusing. It was unbearable and I found myself running away from God or hiding from Him. Other times I’d get angry, throw a tantrum and say I’m doing my own thing. Lately, I have seen a big change in my response to God. I don’t hide, I don’t run and I don’t throw tantrums. I have learned the seriousness of falling on my face and seeking the Lord for guidance and healing. My mind has changed. No longer do I see things how I use to. In the past, I would be anxious and flighty. Wanting everything to be perfect and instant. But today, I understand the importance of waiting on God and perseverance. Paul says we must run the good race and fight the good fight. David encourages the saints to wait PATIENTLY on God. I have learned that blessings aren’t necessarily material like people want to force feed us today. Blessings are wrapped up in the gift of a relationship with God through Christ by the power of the Holy Spirit. Blessings are the fruit we produce as we stay connected to the vine (Christ). Blessings can be found in the little daily provisions and the little hands and feet God sends to minister to us. It’s not always about wealth, power and success. It is not about being the best or a know-it-all. It is about receiving God, walking with God and being transformed by God.

Freedom is not a condition. I’m quite sure the same people that made me feel bad for not attaining a certain status or place in life, would have the same thing to say now. Back then, I was very distraught over these things. I would try to work harder and better only to fall right back on my face. But the me now doesn’t care. Say what you want but I am where I need to be. I may not be rich, I may not have flashy things and I may not have much BUT I AM NOT THE SAME! I have changed! The Lord brought me out of my mental Egypt, took the shackles off my mind and melted the cold ice from around my heart. He dried up tears and touched my aching body. So it would be offensive and disrespectful to throw it all in God’s face because of things people say to me. It would be so offensive to throw it all in God’s face when in my mind and spirit I am at peace. I would not trade this for any amount of riches in this world. I have something…a treasure…that no one can take away! I am an asset not a liability.

I hope this encourages you, reader, to accept and have hope. If you are poor and struggling, sick and discouraged; if you feel hurt and betrayed etc. turn your focus on God. Tell Him all that bothers you. Throw your tantrums, cry, scream and yell but whatever you do, don’t turn away. God will meet you where you are and He will help you. That is a promise. Jesus said He is the bread of life and the living waters. He will quench and satisfy the longings of our soul. He will build you up and make you like a strong tree.

One day you will wake up and be at total peace. Nothing on the outside might have changed but YOU CHANGED. Don’t cling to God for material blessings. Christ is more than enough. You must be so in love with Christ that even the threat of death will not turn you away. You must be able to walk away from anything that will come between you and God. That is true freedom!