The best yet most painful decision I’ve made this year was to physically and emotionally distance myself from certain people.
I am not strong. In the past, I would always say I’m strong, a leader and someone that can overcome anything. At first, it was an amazing feeling, to feel invincible and untouchable. But as I grew older, I realized that I wasn’t as strong as I thought I was. None of us are, in truth. Human beings are not strong. I’m sure someone will disagree with me and that’s fine. When I realized that I couldn’t depend on myself, that’s when I became liberated.
Another lie I was told was that I needed people. In essence, we are a community of people with talents and skills that are limited to a person. However, I do not believe we should be clinging to a specific person or skill.
My freedom came when I had nothing to prove. I admitted defeat. My admission to being weak led me to pick and choose the company I keep wisely. I saw people for who they were. There were people that were hyper critical of me, put me down and had impossible expectations. To others, I was never good enough. Everyone had an opinion on how I should live my life and who I should be. I would become very angry or defensive, it was draining. Something rose up in my heart, knowing that if I did not get these negative comments out of my ears, I would become an empty shell. When I sought help from people, I was told to BE STRONG or WHO CARES or YOU NEED TO LOVE THEM AND HELP THEM. These words were bondage. It put a burden on me to carry the weight of these people’s words and actions towards me, making me believe that I could control how they responded to me. I was made to fix everyone so that they would love and accept me or rather shut up. Laugh
One day, I had enough and I blocked and deleted everyone. Those that I couldn’t block or delete, I just stopped hanging around them. I was told being alone is of Satan. Laughs hysterically. I was told God didn’t want me to be isolated. Some days I believed these words, but the more I am living with these conditions, the more I have a sense of freedom. A heavy boulder has been lifted off my shoulders. I am free to think for myself without noise. I am able to feel my own emotions without internalizing others. I am able to focus on things of substance and not always trying to guard myself.
Another thing happened that made me believe that I made the right decision. I had stopped believing that I needed certain people to help me and just moved by faith. Deep down, I knew that God was with me and would send help as needed. I went to Him first and He knew who to send. I’ve had someone bless me without me asking or begging for it. Because It wasn’t a so called friend, I was not made to feel I owed this person. I was free to take this gift and praise God for it. Acts of kindness are best with no attachments.
I am not alone or isolated like people tell me. The Holy Spirit of God is always with me. Even if the whole world lost it’s inhabitants besides me, I would still not be alone. God would create something and someone out of dirt to help me and vise versa. God is capable of doing anything and everything. I do not put my trust in human strength or wisdom. I do not put my trust in anyone above God.
In my time alone, I got to look into a mirror and see my flaws and shortcomings. I was able to identify them and present them to God. I was also made to see what made me beautiful. A lot of us walk around with shame and guilt but Christ already died for all of our sins! Please, do not feel condemned. Condemnation is for those outside of Christ by their own choice, but for those of us that believe, we are made free.
I’m also talking to those of you that have done horrible things in life. The outcasts and the misfits. Those that mistreated others. Those that have a dark, dark past. I am going out on a limb here to extend the mercy of God even to you. It doesn’t negate what you have done, there will always be consequences for your actions, but mercy and grace means that God will not give to you what you deserve. It is in true mercy and grace that the most despicable person can change. Jesus had mercy on the prostitute that was going to be stoned. In those days, it was considered punishable by death those who committed adultery. The funny part of it all was that none of the men that used her services were to be stoned, just her. Jesus did something that they did not understand. He showed her mercy and THEN told her to sin no more. We don’t show mercy and condone the sin, we show mercy and then point them to Christ so that they may be free from sin.
In my alone time, I am able to decide what I want to do with my life and how I want to serve others. I came to the conclusion that I couldn’t help others if I’m always guarding myself. I am best fit to serve if I stay true to who I am. No one knows me better than God. And I know myself better than anyone knows me. I know what I can and cannot do. I don’t want to be like anyone else but myself. God made each of us unique. We may share similar talents but even the way we use them is different. My advice is stop listening to other people and ask God for yourself. Better yet, live your life and He will order your steps. I spent a majority of my childhood asking God what’s my purpose, not realizing that you simply walk into it as you go.
“YOU WALK INTO YOUR PURPOSE.”
Day by day, God places you in situations and circumstances to glorify Him. Did Shadrach Meshach and Abednego know that they were going to be thrown into a furnace that later was the catalyst for the King to acknowledge The Most High? And did Moses know that eventually he would become the one to lead the Israelites out of Egypt and perform miracles? He was an old man when God called him. So don’t worry, If you are close to God’s heart, you are probably touching lives already. It doesn’t always have to be something grand. It could be as small as raising your children to fear God. Loving your spouse. Helping a sick relative. It could be as small as being honest and hard working at your job. It could be as simple and encouraging someone who is sad. Not everyone is called to a large platform. Are you okay with that? In everyday life we are to praise God. It’s not about a title or a large stadium full of people. It’s not about a large church or doing charity work oversees.
There are people in your life right now that could benefit from you being yourself. You don’t have to be a prayer warrior if you are not. Maybe you are best at acts of service. Maybe you’re not good at either of those but you are a good conversationalist. Maybe you are good at crafting and working with your hands, so you make baked goods and other little goodies that declare the goodness of God. Maybe you are good at comforting people.
I’m about to get up and twirl around because of how amazing that is. YOU ARE YOU FOR A REASON! Cultivate YOU and you will be able to help others authentically.
Remove yourself from drama, fighting and jealousy. Remove yourself from these petty things and embrace the breath God gave you. He gave you life not to waste but to invest. We are to invest our lives as treasures in heaven. You cannot change people so those that refuse to grow up, must be cut off, so you will not swim around in dirty water. Don’t get sucked into the crabs in a barrel syndrome. You do not need to hang around foolishness to change foolishness. You need to be about your father’s business so they may see the light in you. As you live your life, they will hear about you and they will know from what you do that God is real and true. More than anything else, guard your heart. It is right to have selective hearing and vision. Not everything is okay to listen to or watch. Don’t defile your spirit. You are not strong, so don’t give yourself up to be tempted. Honor the season of solitude and you will reap the benefits. In due season, from a healthy place, you will find and cultivate healthier and godly relationships!