I admit defeat.
I admit that I have hit a brick wall and don’t know how to climb it. That brick wall is a thought or even a belief. Something I’ve observed in my life from birth to current time.
Is there a perfect person to be found?
Someone that has all the qualities we admire and desire in a person?
People are on the quest for love and friendships. Dating and marriage advice plagues the internet, marriage coaches can be found on every IP address, relationship guru’s at every turn. Even sermons about friends, “frenemies”, toxic people etc.
Is there ever a perfect person? Can we ever find the perfect match? Someone with all we want and more?
I can’t offer answers, just questions. People say they’ve found the one. A man or woman that fits the list of all they wanted in a person, but what if that person fails? What if they don’t love you? Do you still chase after them simply because they fit your list, or because they are accepted by everyone as being perfect for you?
Then we hear advice from 90 year – olds or people in decades long marriages and they say it takes hard work and commitment. That the person is completely different and yet they work hard at coming together with understanding. The highs and the lows of their relationship is met with the determination to never give up. These set of people focused less on the check list of a perfect person, but more so on the hard work and dedication it takes to love someone.
Another powerful testimony of love demonstrated by a father – who prayed 7 years for his son. He didn’t throw a tantrum at God asking why his son was bad and faulty – he simply prayed. He prayed, he said, even when things were getting worse as he prayed. Eventually his son turned around for the better.
Love without expectations, limits, unconditional love. In this world, what does that even mean? We can’t find this kind of love being encouraged anywhere, but I think of the love God has shown me.
Let me share a personal story. There was a time when I turned away from God because of the weight of guilt and seeking perfection – doing works to gain God’s love.
When I returned to him, I would throw tantrums and hide whenever I was disappointed, mad or confused. I remember one day, while being very ill, laying in bed and feeling as if God was right there with me. I said to myself : wow, I cannot hide from God. He is everywhere. I close my eyes and I hear him. I close my ears and I see him. I shut down my senses and He visits me. I cannot shut God out! He pursues me constantly.
I was messed up, broken and hurt. I was ill. To the world I was worthless in every way. People could say : well she has nothing to offer society so why should anyone love her. Find a more suitable woman or friend. However, God didn’t say that about me. Time and time again I’d hear him say ” I know your heart”. He’d remind me that my worth did not come from how perfect I was – a job, education, social status (how many friends I had), how often I didn’t sin, how I looked etc, but simply based on the fact that I am a being created by God. He said he saw my heart and with a heart like mine, he could work with it. He could break it down till it got soft, and then with his bare hands mold it and shape it.
Then he said something to me recently that was even better than before : that he is NOT judging me and that he will give me a new heart. Trust me guys, I read my bible and I knew I read that somewhere, so I did a quick google search and found it.
Here’s what that passage says:
“Then I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean. Your filth will be washed away, and you will no longer worship idols. And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart. And I will put my Spirit in you so that you will follow my decrees and be careful to obey my regulations…”
I admit defeat. I cannot predict what God will do. I cannot predict what God will show or teach me. All I can do is have my questions and wait on His answers. As I go through life, learning about Him and having experiences, I know I will know what I need to know. Ultimately, God is in absolute control. I just want a soft and responsive heart to hear his voice when he talks to me.
Till next time,