I woke up happy today.
Last night, I went to sleep while praying. It was comforting, ending the day in God’s presence. It was nothing fancy, just directing all my thoughts and emotions to Him, expressing everything I felt.
When I woke up, I felt a sense of joy and peace. The beauty of it all was that I allowed myself to be free. I will be honest, I had people telling me to keep quiet and not to feel a certain way, but I allowed myself to feel the worst of my feelings. I never expressed them but I felt them. I was also feeling really sick in my body and allowed myself to get full rest. I slept and ate whenever I wanted. This happened for a week. There were times I tried to talk myself out of it. There were times fear of not being strong enough or not getting things done crept into my mind. However, I silenced them really quickly and went back to resting my mind and body.
There is something so powerful about complete rest. When I felt the need to worry or be anxious about anything, I heard the loving voice of God saying that He is taking care of me. Someway and somehow, God will provide all that I need.
I keep thinking about God’s sovereignty. I had almost forgotten about it, being so focused on His loving friendship and parent-like care. But we must not forget that God is King and in complete control! He has an amazing way of putting the puzzle pieces of life together. He has a way of fixing our mess and creating a happy ending. He has a way of changing hearts. I needed to believe that my prayers were heard by a powerful and mighty God. I needed to believe that He is the one that changes hearts. Sometimes we believe that our will is higher than God’s, but if we read the Bible close enough, we see many times how His will and purpose prevails. He gives us chances to repent and turn back to Him, but none can contend with God. None can say they are their own god with their own power. When we believe that God is powerful and completely in charge, combined with love and care for us all, it allows us to completely trust in Him.
I woke up knowing that I am where I needed to be. I woke up knowing that if I wasn’t, He is faithful to correct me and set me on the right path. I woke up knowing that I am fine just the way I am. We get so caught up in being so strong that we forget that we don’t need to be. My strength comes from who God is! I can cry, scream, ask questions and share what is in my heart with a God that hears! I can fall apart and trust that He will mend me back together, as if I never was broken in the first place. He places a force field around my heart every time I give Him my pain!
When I am mistreated, I learned how to pray. Not just for my enemies but for myself. I learned that I have a God that will defend me. I use to cry that no one cared enough to ever stand up for me. I was the girl that stood up for everyone else, but was deserted when my time came. I find peace knowing that my God is fighting for me and I don’t have to anymore.
I find security knowing that I don’t really need anyone. Everything I need is in God. People are simply His hands and feet. We live in a needy world where people feel that they NEED people to survive. We must do whatever we can possible to keep all kinds of people around us to feel validated and secure. I know now that in my youth, that there was a wisdom in knowing that I did not need anyone. God has, in his wisdom, led people to me that have been a blessing to me. I cherish all those that obeyed God. This also released a burden from my heart. I don’t need to figure things out. I don’t need to have all the answers. PRAY! Point everyone to Jesus. If Jesus is the savior of our souls and the solution to all our troubles, then He is the one I should point to.
Jesus has fully consumed my life. Of course, there is so much to learn, but I am certain that He will never abandon me. I can finally rest and be free! No more chasing the wind…I find fulfillment in simply being God’s child and wherever He leads me, I will go.