Tag Archives: Conflict

11/25/2016

It’s been a while since I’ve done a post like this! I’m excited to share my list of what brings me joy today. Some are revelations and inspirations, which is a little different from the other posts I’ve done in the past.

  • Joy is not dependent on external circumstances.
  • Stand your ground (don’t hide) despite the misunderstandings and betrayals.
  • Joy and happiness are a daily choice just like everything else.
  • God has been speaking to me through dreams recently. At first, I was a bit hesitant to take my dreams seriously because people put a lot of stigma on dream interpretation but God is really personal with how He deals with His children. I realized that I’ll sometimes wake up with the interpretation in my heart. Lately my dreams have been a source of inspiration, correction and revelation.
  • One major revelation is that enemies and conflict challenges the protagonist to change or experience growth. I remember one dream I had and the theme was CLIMAX: the highest or most intense point in the development or resolution of something; culmination.  The conflict in my life is teaching me to relax despite the chaos, trust God and praise Him while putting Him first. I’ve also learned that God restores us to wholeness. He wants to heal not just our bodies and forgive our sins but to help us overcome all of the things that holds us back from full maturity in Christ.  He forgives everything we confess to Him and our future is not defined by our past or circumstances. We walk by faith in Him not simply hard work. We are to hold everything loosely. The believer and the sinner all go through tough and good times, but what makes the believer different is faith in God. With God and in righteousness, we have security, joy and peace.
  • This is my new value/belief system. All of us will have to have our old systems and values challenged and uprooted for godly ones! None of us were born perfect or have it all figured out.

Silence In The Darkness.

For the last few weeks my life has been topsy turvy, emotional and crazy. I don’t know where front and end or up and down, meet. I feel tossed around. I can’t hone in and truly feel my emotions. I feel disloyal to myself sometimes. But there is something in me that is telling me to hold my ground. Do not give in to the pressure and retaliation of what’s going on.

Being silent in terms of not standing up for myself is hard. I’m so use to expressing how I feel that I forget that I need to stop. I feel as if God is asking me to let him fight my battles. I feel as if he is asking me to trust him and love him and to forget my feelings and my cares when it comes to other people for a while.

It’s hard. I hate feeling this way. I hate being tossed to the side by people I care about. I hate it. I hate being lied to. I hate being taken for granted.

I don’t know how I am going to do this but I am asking for God to give me the strength and the knowledge of how to be silent. I need to be invisible right now.

I know there is something I am not seeing. I can’t see it. What is happening to my already messed up world? I didn’t think it was possible to lose anymore than I had already lost; but it happened. It happened suddenly and painfully.

Psalms 118:8. I keep saying this over and over again, I don’t care about people or what they do but honestly I do care. I care when I put effort into something and it’s not returned. Sometimes I question if it’s wrong to expect love and care from those you love and care for.

I had a realization that my life is changing and that the ideals and my way of thinking are being changed. I feel as if the walls around my heart and mind and everything I cling to are being broken. I don’t like it. It hurts more than I expected. I do know, though, that there is something to look forward to. That despite everything that is happening, I can put my hope in a new and better me.  Not in a selfish, self preserving way but a me that is God created.

I think the greatest thing I can do right now is to stand still. I want to run away but I will face everything that comes. Facing everything in silence. There is nothing to defend or prove. Nothing to argue over. Nothing to cry about. Nothing to be sad over.

I have no idea what the future holds but I’m going to hold God’s hand. I need him to lead me on this path that is dark, lonely and scary. There is no light. It’s like I’m walking with my eyes closed. How scary is it to do such a thing without a guide.