Tag Archives: depression

You are loved…

Photo by Skye Studios on Unsplash

Photo by Skye Studios on Unsplash

Even if the whole world misunderstands you, judges you, hates you, rejects you, mistreats you, and you feel unloved, that’s OK. Your feelings are a byproduct of how you were treated. It doesn’t make you inferior or self-hating. We are humans and we bleed and cry and hurt.

People will kick you while you are down. They will tell you it’s all your fault. They will tell you that somehow you did something to make people treat you that way. You will shoulder all the burdens of other people’s actions, even if you have done nothing wrong.

New age false doctrine of how you can control how people treat you.

Where in the Bible do we see such things? Many times we are warned that we will suffer because of others. When were we ever called to take on that burden as a fault of our own?

Don’t worry, I’m giving you permission to cry. You have all the right to be upset, to feel pain. You have all the right to be sad. No one is happy all the time and true deliverance comes when you admit there is a problem.

But, let me remind you, as a loving friend would, that you are loved. You are loved by God. He sees your tears and your pain. You do not need to holler and scream worship music if you don’t feel like it. Sit with God quietly. Cry to God. Bare your hurts to him. He will comfort you.

And when he renews your strength you will rise up and smile again. You will find joy and peace once more.

This isn’t about those people that hurt you or even the people that misjudged you when you asked for help. It’s about you and God. He is better than any earthly friend. Better than a lover. He can mend a broken heart. He understands you better than anyone else can.

He will validate your feelings, other times correct you, all the time guide you and restore your strength.

There are hills and valleys in this journey with Christ. Sanctification, the pruning process, is difficult and painful.

You will begin to learn how to totally depend on God and walk with him. That your perfection or lack thereof means nothing. It’s all about trusting and having faith and it is then, that your life will change and take shape.

Human beings cannot replace God. Neither the things you strive for in life. These things will never ever touch the depths of your heart like God can.

So truly know that it’s okay and you’ll be OK.

 

With much love,

I AM Truly Happy!

The strangest thing has been happening to me within the last couple of days.

I’ve been feeling happy and joyful. Extremely happy and joyful! The happiest I’ve ever felt in my life. I’ve honestly never been happy before. There were days I’ve felt really really low and my somewhat good days were when I felt numb. I was that girl that got her work done, laughed with friends but deep inside I was sad.

One day recently, I just stopped and noticed that I no longer felt sad, numb or worried. I enjoy living in the moment and any turbulence in my life is met with prayer. I think that was the turning point in my life, when I turned to God in prayer. I prayed for most of my life, but my prayer life has changed drastically when I realized these few things:

  1. God is sovereign: He is in complete control.
  2. God is loving and kind: seriously, He really loves us!
  3. I no longer had to hide away from Him in anyway: intimacy was something I always wanted but then I realized that true intimacy starts with God; baring my whole heart to Him without fear.
  4. I stopped subconsciously trusting people. I was always cynical by nature but even cynical people deep down are afraid of being hurt. While, I am wiser now and enforce proper boundaries with people, I hold everyone and everything loosely.
  5. I enjoy people for who they are, right now. Not who I want them to be or who I think they are and not fearing if they will hurt me in the future. Guess what, they will and might but I’ll be okay.
  6. Take everything to God in prayer: take ALL of your concerns to God. Every single one of them, including the small ones. I tell Him everything and I pray at all times.
  7. I forgive: this is a big one. People have forgiveness all wrong. They think forgiveness means hanging out with said offender. Uhm, no. Some people are just too toxic and dangerous for that. Forgiveness is something God strengths us to do. Just because it’s a command in the Bible, doesn’t mean it’s something we produce in our own strength. Remember, if we abide in Christ, who is the Vine, He will abide in us and we will produce good fruit. When I pray for my enemies, it opens my heart for the power of God to transform it. I have come to the place where I do not want anyone or anything to come between me and my God.
  8. There’s more but I cannot think of them at the moment. (HA HA)

I’ve been feeling so happy lately that it makes no sense. It leaves me feeling very uncomfortable at times. I’ve gotten so use to being sad that now when I’m happy, I have no idea how to behave.

However, I am excited about my future. I try not to look too far ahead but as I am enjoying my life, day to day, I have come to accept that everyday is a step towards a brighter future.

Depression is a real struggle. It’s a battle for your LIFE. Not just your mind or your emotions, not even your body, but your LIFE. Satan wants to snuff you out! It doesn’t matter if you are a Christian or not, Satan’s goal is to destroy as many people as He can before His time is up. Literally, the personification of “misery loves company.”

He will try to mess with your mind: there are many influences out there that are anti-God and anti-Christ that has even seeped into the Church. He will use your childhood experiences, your failures, hurts and pains to make you feel utterly hopeless.

The moment I decided that I hated Satan, God’s enemy, was the day my life changed. What does this mean you ask? Well, I began to see the commands of God differently. I see holiness as security and protection. I saw it as worship to God. I now see holiness as my weapon of mass destruction against Satan’s kingdom. I start seeing obedience as worship to a God that I love. When I focus on God, Satan cannot win. The righteousness of God transforms me and allows me to be an agent of peace wherever I go. Then the love of God will spread to everyone I meet. It will touch someone. I might not know I am touching someone’s life, but God knows.

You see, I am not an active witness and I don’t plan to be unless God says otherwise. And I’ve come to accept that it’s okay to be exactly who I am. I am my best being simply who I am.

I guess I’m done, have a great weekend! ♥

The Route to Maturity

Self-pity is a big fat tantrum that  leads to depression because you lost your inner compass. You made a detour that lead to a path with no light at the end.

You are now open to negative influence because with darkness around, you don’t have light to see the origin of anything that comes your way. You walk around blind in a pit of self-pity.

And when no one turns around to look at you and validate your woes, you decide to do whatever it takes….

Whatever it takes to get noticed.

Little did you know that the cure for self-pity is responsibility. It’s growing up and accepting the things you can’t fix and fixing the things you can. It’s finding another route. It’s finding the bridge back to your main route. And when you find it, there is light and you can now see what exactly you are up against.

You are in control, more than you know. You have a voice even if you think no one is listening and you can change YOUR world, one day at a time. You decide what you choose to see each day.

To The Sick Everywhere

You know being sick sucks. It’s draining, life changing and in many ways damaging. However, lately I’ve been thinking about how we as sick people look at life. Do you sit around moping or do you get up and try to change your world each day at a time? I’ve had people ask me why I’m so happy. I am honestly not quite happy but I do know and accept ( for the most part) that I need to do what I can to change my perception. It’s not about mysticism, it’s not about self- help, it’s about trusting in GOD! YES! Life isn’t easy and some of us are blessed with supportive friends, families and doctors, but honestly, some of us don’t. Sometimes people and life WILL fail us. However, God will never fail us. He is in every way perfect and in every way loving. If it wasn’t for faith a year ago, I wonder where I’d be today. Would I be full of depression, sorrow, no hope for a future? Would I be devastated that In many cases I am unloved even by kin? I know some people reading don’t believe in God and some might but not in Jesus Christ. Let me tell you, Jesus is the only way to true inner peace. He becomes bigger than your problems, your illnesses, your past, and your present. He becomes bigger than the people that hurt you. You start learning how to relax and find peace in his love and mercy. You begin to see the beauty in the new life he has given you. How does this happen? Well, I have to say that being perfect is out of the question. You can’t buy God’s love. You also can’t work for it. However, you will have to give up a lot of things you hold dearly. Those things are pride, hate, anger, bitterness, laziness, addictions. It will be a process! However, don’t worry, Jesus gave us a counselor who is better than any therapist and his name is Holy Spirit. He’s awesome. He’s a very gentle spirit. He won’t leave you to figure it out on your own. Everything you need, he has it. Just ask him.

I am far from perfection. Everyday I am humbled by his love for me. Despite all the bad in my life, I’ve decided to cling to the good. No matter where you find yourself today, give it to Jesus. This isn’t just a message for those who are ill but for those who feel hopeless, rejected, afraid or bound by addictions. There is hope but it’s only found in the messiah.

The Little String Bean

Have you ever wanted to give up? To just plop on the floor, curl up into a ball and fade into nothingness. It’s not even a matter of ceasing to exist, but rather, to give up caring.

Today, while I was removing the ends of string beans that I was preparing for dinner, (When work is repetitive, I sometimes go off into my own mind and start thinking about weird and random things.) I imagined that the string beans were like people: with feelings, emotions, aspirations, goals and fears. I pictured them inside a bowl and the slightly older beans discussing to the newly added beans what goes on and what to expect. All the younger beans were eager towards the cause: becoming someone’s dinner because it was something everyone expected. However, one bean wasn’t satisfied. She questioned everything in her mind and she was terrified that she was subjugated as someone’s meal. What happened to what she wanted? She knew her fate was decided before she was even planted in the ground. She was moody, grumpy and scared. She fussed about everything, and then eventually she sulked and began to shrivel. She didn’t care if she were to be discarded, she decided it was much better than to be eaten and benefit someone else when she’ll have nothing. An older bean spoke; she spoke with a tenderness and love. She said, “Little one, why do you fret? Do you think some of us are blind to the truth before us? Little one, be sure that I would rather die and be of use than to just live and waste away. Just know that your body is made up of nutrients that will benefit this human that needs everything from her environment to survive. Just like in the end, she will go back into the earth as part of what makes us grow. It’s the cycle of all things. In truth, you took in the nurture of the land: sun, water and soil and even though the growth process was hard, you benefited from it all. You saw the sun shine in all her glory and you went through the stormy rains. Yet, the warm earth hugged you and kept you from all harm. You made it this far my love. Why nullify and make void everything you went through.”

I woke from my little day-dream. As much as I wanted to write all of it down and play with the idea as a personal story, I dismissed it as foolishness.

And then, right before I found the courage to write, I realized that this story about a string bean day-dream was the answer I was searching for. I was so upset that I could no longer do the things that I took for granted. I thought that life was going to be normal and that I could function like any normal 20 something year old. Unfortunately, I was wrong. I was so wrong that my heart hurt and I was thinking of giving up on every single dream I hold deep inside my heart. I was like the little string bean that threw a massive tantrum because she couldn’t do what she wanted. She felt trapped and limited, just like I did. But like the wise Bean, I realized that God didn’t allow these rough times to happen just for me to give up. Life is filled with uncertainty. We will have good, bad and in-between days. Just because the end result isn’t what we expect doesn’t mean that it doesn’t have a purpose. I know that every smile and every tear I experience is to bring glory to the One that created me and also to benefit others.

Thank God for my imagination! [Insert silly smile here]

©Merrishel R.