Tag Archives: Emotions

Wait Patiently On The Lord

 

Photo by: Diana Simumpande on Unsplash.

 

Joy is not a feeling. Joy is a response. I have been pushing myself to feel happy, pretending that everything is okay and that is not true joy.

I realized, a personal revelation of sorts, that joy is simply finding hope and security in Christ. We based our faith on our emotions, on what we don’t understand or can’t do and that cannot be further from the truth.

Only God is perfect. Even God has feelings. He gets angry, sad and happy. So why are we forcing ourselves to be happy all the time? Why are we being fake and manufacturing emotions that we don’t have,

True intimacy is formed in honest, open communication.  Job, a righteous man that lost everything, went boldly before the Lord with ALL of his concerns. He was in anguish and pain. He lost his children, his money and even his health. His friends and his wife were not supportive but judged him. Job was alone.

The sign of maturity is feeling pain, confusion and anguish but running to God for answers. Job waited patiently for God to answer but he didn’t stop praying. Job prayed until he emptied out his heart.

I remembered how I was treated when I didn’t have it altogether. I was sick and going through a lot and instead of understanding and compassion, I was judged and criticized, just like Job. Looking back, I am tempted to stay angry but my eyes have opened to the situation I was in.

People strive on being fake. On being strong on the outside to prove they have it altogether. People do not understand the beauty in brokenness before God. Falling on one’s face before the Lord and crying out to Him.

You can sit there with your fake praises. You can sit there with your fake HALLELUJAH’s when you know deep in your heart you do not believe one word you are saying. God knows our hearts, we cannot lie to Him. We are only lying to ourselves.

David, another man of God, was also misunderstood and alone. He spent most of his life being rejected, misunderstood and in hiding but in his pain and loneliness he cried out to God. He expressed his anger, frustration, and fear. He told God how he truly felt.

The amazing part is, the more we pray, the Holy Spirit steps in and changes our prayers. As we read his scriptures for comfort, we begin to find hope and strength. God renews our strength.

He will renew your strength. He will strengthen you. He will open your eyes to see things differently. He is a place of safety from the harsh realities of life, people and circumstances.

You can do everything right like Job and still face adversity. I had to learn, for myself, that doing good and being righteous is not a get-out-of trouble card. Trouble comes. Confusion will come. Pain will find you. It is an inevitable part of life.

But in our moments of pain, run to God and then wait patiently on him.

Why Me? Even So, Love Without Fear

Photo by: Ken Treloar on Unsplash.

There will be a point in your life where you ask WHY?! For some of us, we might ask this often.

For the last few months, I was so happy. I was excited for the future. I was enjoying my new found freedom and all the perks that came with it. It was a great period in my life.

Then something happened that was out of my control. It was sudden, it was overwhelming and it left me confused and angry. I did all the right things:  I guarded my heart. I was focused. I kept a distance. I was learning more about myself, I put God first. It was just too perfect. What I didn’t realize was that in my heart, I was already making my own plans.

I had this notion that everything would work out the way I envisioned. I had it all planned out, I was prepared. I thought I could control everything! Big lie.

Now what? I asked God, “why is this happening to me”. “What does this all mean”? In the past, it was easy : just run away. Pretend it doesn’t exist. Throw dirt, pack it down and bury it for good.

Sadly, this time I can’t. It’s staring at me, challenging me to look at it fully and to extend myself in ways I didn’t know was possible for me.

It made me come to a full stop and peer into a mirror. A mirror that allows me to see the true desires of my heart that I hid for so long.

I asked God ” Is this something I can have”? I never thought this could be for me. I thought it was for everyone else but me.

I came up with every excuse as to why it wasn’t for me. Why it wouldn’t work. I felt comfortable in my fear. I felt comfy in never being brave and diving into a world that was uncertain and yet full of light.

Love without fear. Love without expectations.

It sounds so silly and odd but the Bible commands us to love. That true love drives out all fear. Love is brave and selfless. Love is not easy. It’s not the easiest path to take.

The hardest part is knowing that no matter what happens that I am already loved and that my love matters.

Dear one, your love matters.

Someone will cling to even the smallest acts of love from you. Your love matters.

From a small encouraging word to grand acts of sacrifice, love matters and we all need each other.

Embrace all that God wants to bless you with. It is not always money, a job or even health. It might just be as simple and as profound as love.

Silence In The Darkness.

For the last few weeks my life has been topsy turvy, emotional and crazy. I don’t know where front and end or up and down, meet. I feel tossed around. I can’t hone in and truly feel my emotions. I feel disloyal to myself sometimes. But there is something in me that is telling me to hold my ground. Do not give in to the pressure and retaliation of what’s going on.

Being silent in terms of not standing up for myself is hard. I’m so use to expressing how I feel that I forget that I need to stop. I feel as if God is asking me to let him fight my battles. I feel as if he is asking me to trust him and love him and to forget my feelings and my cares when it comes to other people for a while.

It’s hard. I hate feeling this way. I hate being tossed to the side by people I care about. I hate it. I hate being lied to. I hate being taken for granted.

I don’t know how I am going to do this but I am asking for God to give me the strength and the knowledge of how to be silent. I need to be invisible right now.

I know there is something I am not seeing. I can’t see it. What is happening to my already messed up world? I didn’t think it was possible to lose anymore than I had already lost; but it happened. It happened suddenly and painfully.

Psalms 118:8. I keep saying this over and over again, I don’t care about people or what they do but honestly I do care. I care when I put effort into something and it’s not returned. Sometimes I question if it’s wrong to expect love and care from those you love and care for.

I had a realization that my life is changing and that the ideals and my way of thinking are being changed. I feel as if the walls around my heart and mind and everything I cling to are being broken. I don’t like it. It hurts more than I expected. I do know, though, that there is something to look forward to. That despite everything that is happening, I can put my hope in a new and better me.  Not in a selfish, self preserving way but a me that is God created.

I think the greatest thing I can do right now is to stand still. I want to run away but I will face everything that comes. Facing everything in silence. There is nothing to defend or prove. Nothing to argue over. Nothing to cry about. Nothing to be sad over.

I have no idea what the future holds but I’m going to hold God’s hand. I need him to lead me on this path that is dark, lonely and scary. There is no light. It’s like I’m walking with my eyes closed. How scary is it to do such a thing without a guide.