Tag Archives: Fear

Teacher – I Have A Question!

Photo by Marcos Luiz Photograph on Unsplash

Photo by Marcos Luiz Photograph on Unsplash

I’m stumped! I have no advice to give you, maybe some words of encouragement but here is just a glimpse of a mind full of questions.

What do you do when a situation makes absolutely no sense. It makes sense based on patterns, human nature and folly, wickedness, sin, and just simply life. But, I hear all the time Christian leaders tell us to have expectation, to speak to our situation etc.

If God is sovereign, if his ways are higher than ours, if his wisdom is meant to confuse the wisest of men, what are we to expect? What about those that are martyred for the faith? Those that lose everything? What about people that die despite trusting God?

I remember, last year, I was sick and I told God that I loved him. I washed my face, fixed my hair and got dressed. I set out to live my best life , sick and poor.

I am simply going to make that same confession: God, I love you. You healed me last year and even though things are not exactly how I want them, I am going to fix my hair, wash my face and get dressed. I am going to serve you afraid. I will serve you confused. I will serve you as I am, where I am and with what I have.

I have no answers. I cannot put the puzzle pieces together. I don’t even know what the puzzle looks like. I have no clue what God is doing but all I do know is that I love him. He has done more than enough for me. He is my strength, even now.

All I can expect in this life are two things: Human suffering and that Christ died and rose for me. Because of what He did, I have eternal life. That is the only guarantee in life. I could lose my life, all my material possessions, friends and family but the only thing that remains is my faith and the hope of salvation.

How God chooses to help me, if he even helps me – is his business. I won’t complain or tell him what to do.

The greatest peace I had was waking up and going on with life with the goal of living! I will not just survive, I will strive. I will utilize all that I am and all that I have.

I am thankful. He gave me everything I needed to face the unknown storm heading my way.

It’s like reaching new levels in a game. After winning each level you gain new skills, higher XP and learn better strategies to overcome. Each level makes you stronger.

Daniel 3:16-28(NKJV)

16 Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego answered and said to the king, “O Nebuchadnezzar, we have no need to answer you in this matter. 17 If that is the case, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and He will deliver us from your hand, O king. 18 But if not, let it be known to you, O king, that we do not serve your gods, nor will we worship the gold image which you have set up.”

Read the rest from the link above…

To those that lost everything or might lose everything, to those that are suffering in different ways, and those that were taught to speak to their situations and to believe in the false doctrine of the Law of Attraction, hear me:

Trusting in God does not mean bad things won’t happen. Trusting in God doesn’t mean you can speak to a situation and change it. God decides in the end when and how things will end. You must reach a place where you are willing to lose everything for Christ. To accept that persecution and troubles are part of life and especially the Christian life. We are not promised riches, fame or anything these false prophets have shoved down our throats.

Photo by Joshua Hanks on Unsplash

Photo by Joshua Hanks on Unsplash

Our goal is sanctification – pruning and refinement. To become virtuous – humble, meek, gentle and kind. To have great faith and to walk in holiness. These things will never fade away.

God has the power to save us from all trouble but we must learn and be willing to learn. It isn’t always about our comfort. God is not a genie. But He did say he is our friend, our comforter and guide. We don’t know what kind of life God has planned for us, but all I know is that whatever it is, it is ultimately for our good and the good of those around us.

Keep the faith,

 

You’re Almost There

Photo by Jeremy Bishop on Unsplash

Photo by Jeremy Bishop on Unsplash

Don’t give up, you’re almost there.

These are the words that ring through my head on a cold Sunday night.

Faced with opposition and the coming of a storm, the natural reaction is to either run in fear or shut down. It’s natural to want to give up or go another direction.

God revealed to me a very vague blue print of my current season. It was in that blue print that I found direction, comfort and peace. I had many opposition and trials but I stood firm on the foundation of God’s word.

However, the incident before me is greater than any I could imagine. Sort of like a tsunami that I  can see from the distance. It’s right over my head and there is no escape. The normal reaction is to either run or shut down but my spirit woman is saying to grab something flat and learn how to surf. I have no swimming experience. I’m out of shape and agility and balance is out of the question. I can’t consult YouTube , google or even another person. I just have to pick up the board and ride the waves. I have to be observant, deliberate and then just hop on. I have to study the waves, maybe I’ll be washed out, maybe I’ll drown . But there is another likelihood that i’ll find my footing and find myself the queen of the waves.

You are almost there.

Whatever you are doing – if God told you to do it, don’t let it go. Don’t give it up, even if you find yourself losing resources, support etc., just keep going! Don’t lose sight of the vision and trust that God will get you there. If He said it, He will do it. God is faithful to perform his word!

Have faith!

Hebrews 11: 1:

Faith shows the reality of what we hope for ; it is the evidence of things we cannot see. NLT.

The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation’under everything that makes life worth living. It’s our handle on what we can’t see. The act of faith is what distinguished our ancestors, set them above the crowd. MSG V 1-2

Now faith is the assurance (title deed, confirmation) of things hoped for (divinely guaranteed), and the evidence of things not seen [the conviction of their reality – faith comprehends as fact what cannot be experienced by the physical senses]. AMP

God requires our faith to serve and honor him. He gives us a dream or a destination and it will take all of his children great faith to get there. No Christian life is marked by comfort. All true Christians will have to leave their comfort zones and give up everything for Christ.

Have faith and believe in his word! Don’t allow anything in life stop you!

 

Goody Goody Two-Shoes

jez-timms-126970

Photo by Jez Timms on Unsplash

Okay.

So, the last few weeks went by slowly AND quickly. A lot was done, tears shed, confusion, and pain. There was also happiness, forgiveness and newness.

Something stood out to me though, as I gazed into the mirror of introspection: that the quest for complete perfection and high expectations is not worth the pain.

It is a crippling mindset that robs you from joy and experiencing life on a day by day basis. It can even rob you of your blessing – that might not always come as you want it to look like. You want your blessing to be perfect, a blessing that makes complete sense to you and acceptable to everyone around you. A blessing that makes you feel comfortable and safe.

But what if your blessing was dressed up as something completely different. Something you never expected? What if it was to show you just how much you are loved and cherished despite feeling as if it is unattainable? What if that blessing was something you never thought you could accomplish but, despite it being beyond your capabilities, God breathed life into it and made it reality? What if you can finally enjoy life without worrying about everything, all the time?

What if you can worship God without fear? To run to God and cling to him even when you fall short? Holding onto Him for dear life and trusting that He will keep you, guide you, fix you and heal you?

Because if you turn away, what else will you live for? Love requires bravery. It forces you to open up and take a risk to give and receive something that has the potential to:

  1. Hurt you
  2. Confuse you

God doesn’t always answer my prayers the way I want him to and that left me feeling really upset and confused. I threw a fit asking God why me and why now and why this? I wanted to hide from God because I thought He failed me.

I wonder if this is how the Jews of Jesus’ time felt, waiting for the messiah to come and save them from earthly oppression. However, they had their own interpretation of scripture and God had his own divine will. We can try as much as we want to control the events of our lives and personally interpret God’s plan for our lives but God’s Will prevails.

If Esther was a modern day Christian, other believers and even her well meaning Pastor would tell her : “Sweet Esther, don’t marry the King, because gurl, he ain’t saved.” Not knowing that sweet Esther was called to be queen so that she could prevent a Jewish genocide. She needed to marry the King to access his status and to demonstrate the power of God in a very meek and humble way.

Nothing in life is cookie cutter, one-size fits all and I’m sick of trying to be the “Good Little Christian Girl”. It’s something all Christians face at one point in their journey.

Jesus died so we can be free. This freedom has become cliche. Free from what? Yes, free from sin. But what God truly wants is not a religious set of puppets that crosses every “I” and dots every “T”, knows all the church lingo and scripture, can debate, lay hands on the sick, cast out demons and speak in tongues.

God wants those with a heart for Him. A heart turned to Him. Hearts that will cry out to Him in every circumstance: good and bad. A heart that acknowledges Him, like David. David cried out to God in good times and bad. David was by no means perfect but he remained true to Himself.

Jesus saved us from the system of religion, the bondage of perfectionism, the opinions of humans, and gave us freedom to worship, love, and to be at peace with one another.

I am tired, aren’t you? I’m tired of all the pressure, internally and externally, to be more than what I am today. I can only do what I can do today but my hope is that as I continue on this journey with God, that I will grow closer to him.

My goal is no longer to simply be a Christian, but to be a daughter of God: to sit at his feet like Mary and listen.

Why the title?

Well, I was stumped. I didn’t know what to call this post so I whispered a little prayer and instantly felt to name it goody two-shoes.

Laughs

Bold right? Imagine that. Well guess what? GOOD! Honesty is the beginning of deliverance. Never be ashamed of what God can deliver you from.

I had to google search the term because it’s been years since I last heard it. A goody two- shoes in simple terms is a people-pleaser and God cannot use or connect with one.

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Why Me? Even So, Love Without Fear

Photo by: Ken Treloar on Unsplash.

There will be a point in your life where you ask WHY?! For some of us, we might ask this often.

For the last few months, I was so happy. I was excited for the future. I was enjoying my new found freedom and all the perks that came with it. It was a great period in my life.

Then something happened that was out of my control. It was sudden, it was overwhelming and it left me confused and angry. I did all the right things:  I guarded my heart. I was focused. I kept a distance. I was learning more about myself, I put God first. It was just too perfect. What I didn’t realize was that in my heart, I was already making my own plans.

I had this notion that everything would work out the way I envisioned. I had it all planned out, I was prepared. I thought I could control everything! Big lie.

Now what? I asked God, “why is this happening to me”. “What does this all mean”? In the past, it was easy : just run away. Pretend it doesn’t exist. Throw dirt, pack it down and bury it for good.

Sadly, this time I can’t. It’s staring at me, challenging me to look at it fully and to extend myself in ways I didn’t know was possible for me.

It made me come to a full stop and peer into a mirror. A mirror that allows me to see the true desires of my heart that I hid for so long.

I asked God ” Is this something I can have”? I never thought this could be for me. I thought it was for everyone else but me.

I came up with every excuse as to why it wasn’t for me. Why it wouldn’t work. I felt comfortable in my fear. I felt comfy in never being brave and diving into a world that was uncertain and yet full of light.

Love without fear. Love without expectations.

It sounds so silly and odd but the Bible commands us to love. That true love drives out all fear. Love is brave and selfless. Love is not easy. It’s not the easiest path to take.

The hardest part is knowing that no matter what happens that I am already loved and that my love matters.

Dear one, your love matters.

Someone will cling to even the smallest acts of love from you. Your love matters.

From a small encouraging word to grand acts of sacrifice, love matters and we all need each other.

Embrace all that God wants to bless you with. It is not always money, a job or even health. It might just be as simple and as profound as love.

You Are God’s Treasure

Love produces change. Cruelty to oneself just makes you feel guilty and icky. It is self-sabotage. When you love and embrace your worth, you are able to make better choices. Not out of obligation, guilt or fear but out of deep inner conviction. You stop settling and start wanting the best with humility. You will begin to nurture, love and encourage yourself like a treasured friend. You will enforce healthy boundaries and learn how to say no with strength and confidence.

If you are a temple where God dwells, we all know people take great care of sacred places and items. How much more are we to care for our whole selves: body, mind and spirit. Holiness transforms a person completely and holiness says: “I must not be defiled.” Cruelty will defile you, so love: truly truly love.

 

Happy Indepenence Day

Today was a pretty busy day for me. While most people were out celebrating Independence day, I went out to buy groceries. I spent a couple minutes writing out a list only to realize I had forgotten it once I was almost halfway there. I decided to whisper a prayer and hope my memory wouldn’t fail me. I had a $20 budget and needed the food to last me for atleast a few days.

I bought almost everything I needed but for the things I couldn’t get,  I had to come up with a few substitutions.

I wanted cabbage salad with dressing but couldn’t get the dressing so I opt to mixing the red cabbage into the rice.  I mixed brown rice with jasmine rice for extra nutrition and portioned it out for 4 servings. I spent time researching what a serving was for cooked and uncooked. I added tumeric for added nutrition and a bit of onion for flavor. I followed this pattern for the rest of my meals: tuna spread, baked lemon chicken, turkey patties, whole wheat and white pasta blend, and my new favorite: beet and squash pasta sauce. Because I’m back to working out regularly, I’m learning to enjoy protien from non meat sources like tuna, eggs and peanut butter.

When I eat protien, fiber and carbs with every meal it curbs my cravings. Low carb diets don’t work for me because I need the energy.  I’m learning to appreciate food and the wonderful variety available.  Food is not to be feared or hated. Food isn’t the reason we are overweight or underweight. Food won’t make us ugly or beautiful. Food won’t increase or decrease our self worth. We are in control over what goes into  our mouths. Food does not define who we are. Food is for energy. Food is medicine. Food is norishment. It is not a source of comfort and should not take God’s place. I decided to take control and do my research. Learn about nutrition and how food is used as energy so I can be and feel my best throughout the day. My life is not centered around fear. I don’t fear a low budget or if something will make me gain weight. A piece of bread will not make you gain weight! It took me this long to get it but I’m glad that God has opened my eyes to my poor relationship with food!

So this Independence Day I thank the LORD for the emancipation of my mind. I’m no longer a slave to lack or fear.

The Body Is The Temple Of The HOLY SPIRIT.

This will be the first out of two posts about my weight. The reason  I am limiting the amount of posts is because it can easily become a whining session full of bitterness, confusion and defeat. However, I just wanted to share something I’ve learned

It is common knowledge that the body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. If you believe in Jesus Christ you basically have God living inside of you. As a christian our walk with God is not just spiritual but physical and mental too. We need God to help change our attitudes. The way we see ourselves and others. The way we see him needs to change as well. There is always constant growth, or should be. A part of this process comes from throwing down idols. We throw down idols through confession. Specific confession followed by removing said idol. For example: food and body image or your past of being bullied because of your weight. I had a wake up call. God is showing me that I am sensitive in this area. I keep lying to myself thinking I’m strong and nothing affects me but it does. Words hurt. Being mistreated for wanting good things in your life is confusing. So in subconscious ways I sell myself short for comfort. I deep down don’t want to be hated. I don’t like the sly comments or the harsh words. But at the same time selling myself short is affecting my relationship with God. I  am not treating myself correctly. I am not allowing God to be honored by how I treat myself. We are all worthy of love. Not because of what we have done or have to contribute but because we all are created in the image of God. When we lose our identity we become ineffective. We cannot do the will of God because we won’t have the confidence to seek him for it. We also open ourselves up to sin because of a lack of self disciple and boundaries. Its a form of self hate. A reflection of how we see ourselves. And how can we truly love our neighbor if we don’t love ourselves. We must first seek God with all we are and patiently wait as he molds us and removes all the baggage.

This is my current place. And at this point in Time I’m feeling the need to introspect. Not with my own eyes but through God’s eyes. He knows where to look and how to perceive. He knows exactly how to fix and enhance. He knows how to eraticate and heal.

No more dishonoring and abusing this temple of the Holy Spirit.

Tug-Of-War

Sometimes it must all crash down before you can move on. Just like Paul and Barnabas and their fight before their seperation, we too will go through seperations. Seperation from people, thoughts, beliefs, circumstances that have become outdated, clash or is simply toxic. God did not reprimand those two. There was no part in the bible where God said what had happened was incorrect. They had a fight too. Have you ever felt guilty for arguing with someone? Sometimes I ask myself why? We as human beings will disagree. We will fight and argue. But one thing you must ask yourself: am I and this person willing to come to an agreement? Are we willing to fight for each other. To understand one another? If not, seperate. No hard feelings, just go. When you’ve reached the end of the line, when you can no longer bear the stress of that tug-of-war just simply let go. There is nothing in the bible that condemns us if we decide to leave a very unhealthy relationship. You trust and serve God not man. God might call you to witness to many people but the dynamics of witnessing and a relationship are very different. If two people are not willing to put in the work, if there is always strife, always tears, always fear;.the bible says it is better to live in peace than to live in strife. It doesn’t make you a wonderful person by continously going back to someone who you will eventually fight with. Kindly say to yourself “This is it.” It is done. It isn’t hate or a sin to remove yourself from bad or toxic company. Don’t let guilt or fear keep you from surrounding yourself with people who will bring out the best in you.

You will know when there is love around you. Paul describes love for us: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13:4 (NIV) 

Just ask yourself: are my relationships reflecting the love that paul describes? Have I tried to communicate these things and were they reciprocated?

If not, you must evaluate if this relationship should be continued.

One Day At a Time Little One

Mathew 7: 21-23
True Disciples
“Not everyone who calls out to me, ‘Lord! Lord!’ will enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Only those who actually do the will of my Father in heaven will enter. On judgment day many will say to me, ‘Lord! Lord! We prophesied in your name and cast out demons in your name and performed many miracles in your name.’ But I will reply, ‘I never knew you. Get away from me, you who break God’s laws.’
I keep having reoccurring themed dreams about my university. I truly feel at this point in time, my heart is opening up to the idea of using the rest of my life, energy and talents for investing in the Kingdom of God.
However, there are many times where I feel confused about which talent I should invest in, which direction to go and how to even get started. There are days the confusion weighs heavy on my heart and there are days I feel I can’t do anything.
 I do know the urgency of walking in the will of God but I have no understanding of timing.
 What does this have to do with the scripture you ask? Well, I truly feel that doubt, fear and anxiety are not of God and reflects a lack of trust in him. I have to keep telling myself that he will show me everything at the right time, all I have to do is let him fix me, mold me and purge me into the woman I am to be.
 However, while investing too much into fixing the world and using my so called God given talents and gifts, I don’t ever want to lose my way. I don’t ever want to get so caught up that I forget to keep the law of God. I love the law of God. I love it because I know it’s for my benefit and those around me. I also know it brings joy to God because he is the pure essence of love and holiness. So, instead of focusing on something that is in many ways out of my control , at this time, I will use my energy to seek the face of God. Search for understanding: of him and my role in his master plan of salvation for the world. Because this is HIS SHOW, not mine. All I can do is walk with him in purity.
Mattthew 6:33-34
Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.“So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.
 Sources: https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+6%3A33&version=ESV
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Trust Issues

I’ve read many articles, sites, self help, and  bible passages on trust. Out of the bunch I just listed the bible held the answer I was looking for.

This might come as a shock for many Christians but we are in control. We are not in control over all of our circumstances but we control how we respond to them. Christian sources make it seem as if God has control to the point where we can sit and wait and HOPE that something will change. Not a chance. We are called to be fearless- when we don’t trust we become cowardly.

We are not to trust in our circumstances, in our finances, our relationships, not even ourselves. We find trust in the knowledge of God, who he is and who he says we are. We are not victims, we have a voice. We have a mind. We have free will. No one can control us, no one can deeply wound us unless we give up all our rights as an autonomous human being. When we put people on a pedestal, when we seek their love and affection more than we seek God , when we don’t see the person for who they are we become insecure. We become needy and fearful, even paranoid, hoping that everything will go as we hope or fearing they will  hurt us.

We cannot control anyone. If a person is set to hurt you, they will no matter what you do. Just know that you should pay close attention and never be blind. The bible always tells us to guard our hearts, trust no man but God with all our heart and mind and to always be alert. We should never be asleep. Being in a state of fear is sinful. It opens the doors to all sorts of unhealthy habits and feelings. It allows us to embody fear itself and it will infect every area of our lives not just the root source.

Human beings are flawed. Humans are never to be trusted 100 percent. We should only trust God with our very heart. We are called to love. In fear there is no love. Without trust there is no love but trust not in their ability to serve but for you to serve them. Trust in God’s love pouring out from you, enabling you to overcome any obstacles this life will throw at you.

 

 

Micah 7:5-

Put no trust in a neighbor; have no confidence in a friend; guard the doors of your mouth from her who lies in your arms;

Jeremiah 17:5 

Thus says the Lord: “Cursed is the man who trusts in man and makes flesh his strength, whose heart turns away from the Lord

Psalm 118:8-9 

It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man. It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in princes.

 

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