Tag Archives: freedom

What Do You Want?

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

This is an on whim post.

I am not only sharing this but it’s documentation for future reference. I will save this in the bin of things to read after a year or two.

This weekend was stressful. I haven’t had to deal with this issue in a long time and it was quite a shock for me to deal with it once again. You know when you get tired of dealing with an issue for years but feel trapped? You’ve tried everything possible but nothing works.

I’m going to be real and raw : when you pray to God and ask for help and he gives you 1 million encouraging words like : peace and hold on and go forth and be strong, only for you to stare that same problem in the face.

You’ve tried everything, nothing works. You reach out for help but people don’t care, don’t understand. They leave you there to figure it out on your own but wonder why you don’t want anything to do with them.

We live in a world where people are cruel. People don’t care about you until you’re dead. Then they will say, I wish I knew or I wish I had done something to prevent this from happening. But all the while, you had asked them for help but they didn’t care to help.

So one day, I was fed up and took a leap of faith. Where I am today was because of my own hard work, vision and faith in God.

I have made peace with the fact that people don’t care and are cruel. These people will try to kill your dreams. They will open their mouths and use their words to kill you. If you are in a broken place, they will succeed. The only way to protect yourself in a broken place is to have selective hearing.

YOU MUST SHUN AT ALL COST anything negative being spoken to you. It’s not anything  mystical, it’s a simple fact that your ears are a gateway to your heart. Your eyes and ears are gateways to your heart. Your mouth is the exit of your heart. So those people are speaking from what is in their hearts. But if you listen and observe what they are saying, they can begin to shape and mold you.

You must NOT allow anyone to plant that seed in your heart. Everything you become starts from your heart. This is why the Bible warns us about guarding our hearts.

The greatest way to silence your enemies is to continue living your life as if their words have no weight. Your mere presence is a threat to them and that’s their battle to fight.

So I ask, ” what do you want? What makes you happy?” Do what YOU want without apology. If it’s wrong, God will make it right. If it’s too far left, God will push it a little more to the left. Let GOD mold you, not people. Don’t you ever do anything simply because people say so, but because you know in your heart it’s the right thing to do. Everyone is living their lives, including those trying to dictate yours.

The greatest thing you could ever do is accept yourself as you are.

The way you are is perfect and God can use you as you are right now. Perfectionism is a sham. It’s just there to keep you crippled in an infinite loop of madness,  unlike the line of progression of authenticity.

Being authentic comes with a price: you will have people that love you and those that hate you. At first it might seem as if everyone hates you but there will be those that will identify you and admire you. The beauty of it is that when you were trying to please people and remain unnoticed by fitting in, people still hated you. But now  you know who loves you as the real you.

Everyone goes through this. The journey between childhood and adulthood is a turbulent one. It is an uncertain phase and you must learn to shift out what you have been taught with what is truth. Not everything taught is truth.

Who do you want to be? I stopped asking God what I should do with my life. You will either know from youth or walk into it as you live. Most of us walk into it. God doesn’t reveal things at once. If so, then we wouldn’t need him and life would be predicable. What would we learn? For those that already know, only know so much.

Life is like jumping in the dark. You can’t see beyond eye view and sometimes you can’t see at all. You must take jumps: some small and some big. Where you land, the floor tiles light up, enabling you to see. As you keep jumping,3 you are able to see what was behind you and from eye view, what’s around you. If you refuse to jump, you won’t be able to see or make progress.

We also jump in our own ways. Some of us only have one leg. Some of us have a crutch. Others have both legs. Some of us are taller and some shorter. Others of us are heavier and some lighter. The way we jump and how we land are influenced by these factors. People might say one way is better than the other but that’s not true. God made you as you are and even if it was from life’s circumstances, this is who you are. The way you jump and land is YOUR STORY and it’s a unique one. It’s YOURS. Striving for the unknown, best jump is not only ignorant but a waste of time. We shouldn’t strive to have the same story but to find ways to share our own unique stories. We will find our people. We will find common ground with those that jump differently but we are all here to motivate and encourage one another to jump.

When we bicker and fight we stop jumping. Then our world becomes dark and we can only see what’s behind us.

This year I’ve thrown down the veil of perfectionism and take up the mantle of faith.

I will walk as I am, talk as I am and live as I am. I will keep jumping and leaping and landing. I will let my leaps paint a picture of light around me.

With faith, no one can crush you. With faith, no one can take away your dreams or your joy. With faith, hope follows and with hope there is peace.

The bible says do not fear EVIL people with their wicked schemes.

Be still in the presence of the LORD, and wait patiently for him to act. Don’t worry about evil people who prosper or fret about their wicked schemes. Psalm 37:7 NLT

Just keep leaping and landing and one day you’ll find yourself where you need to be. The Lord is faithful to guide our imperfect steps. He is God and we are not. Accept who you are and cling tightly to the one who has the power to save you.

 

 

Goody Goody Two-Shoes

jez-timms-126970

Photo by Jez Timms on Unsplash

Okay.

So, the last few weeks went by slowly AND quickly. A lot was done, tears shed, confusion, and pain. There was also happiness, forgiveness and newness.

Something stood out to me though, as I gazed into the mirror of introspection: that the quest for complete perfection and high expectations is not worth the pain.

It is a crippling mindset that robs you from joy and experiencing life on a day by day basis. It can even rob you of your blessing – that might not always come as you want it to look like. You want your blessing to be perfect, a blessing that makes complete sense to you and acceptable to everyone around you. A blessing that makes you feel comfortable and safe.

But what if your blessing was dressed up as something completely different. Something you never expected? What if it was to show you just how much you are loved and cherished despite feeling as if it is unattainable? What if that blessing was something you never thought you could accomplish but, despite it being beyond your capabilities, God breathed life into it and made it reality? What if you can finally enjoy life without worrying about everything, all the time?

What if you can worship God without fear? To run to God and cling to him even when you fall short? Holding onto Him for dear life and trusting that He will keep you, guide you, fix you and heal you?

Because if you turn away, what else will you live for? Love requires bravery. It forces you to open up and take a risk to give and receive something that has the potential to:

  1. Hurt you
  2. Confuse you

God doesn’t always answer my prayers the way I want him to and that left me feeling really upset and confused. I threw a fit asking God why me and why now and why this? I wanted to hide from God because I thought He failed me.

I wonder if this is how the Jews of Jesus’ time felt, waiting for the messiah to come and save them from earthly oppression. However, they had their own interpretation of scripture and God had his own divine will. We can try as much as we want to control the events of our lives and personally interpret God’s plan for our lives but God’s Will prevails.

If Esther was a modern day Christian, other believers and even her well meaning Pastor would tell her : “Sweet Esther, don’t marry the King, because gurl, he ain’t saved.” Not knowing that sweet Esther was called to be queen so that she could prevent a Jewish genocide. She needed to marry the King to access his status and to demonstrate the power of God in a very meek and humble way.

Nothing in life is cookie cutter, one-size fits all and I’m sick of trying to be the “Good Little Christian Girl”. It’s something all Christians face at one point in their journey.

Jesus died so we can be free. This freedom has become cliche. Free from what? Yes, free from sin. But what God truly wants is not a religious set of puppets that crosses every “I” and dots every “T”, knows all the church lingo and scripture, can debate, lay hands on the sick, cast out demons and speak in tongues.

God wants those with a heart for Him. A heart turned to Him. Hearts that will cry out to Him in every circumstance: good and bad. A heart that acknowledges Him, like David. David cried out to God in good times and bad. David was by no means perfect but he remained true to Himself.

Jesus saved us from the system of religion, the bondage of perfectionism, the opinions of humans, and gave us freedom to worship, love, and to be at peace with one another.

I am tired, aren’t you? I’m tired of all the pressure, internally and externally, to be more than what I am today. I can only do what I can do today but my hope is that as I continue on this journey with God, that I will grow closer to him.

My goal is no longer to simply be a Christian, but to be a daughter of God: to sit at his feet like Mary and listen.

Why the title?

Well, I was stumped. I didn’t know what to call this post so I whispered a little prayer and instantly felt to name it goody two-shoes.

Laughs

Bold right? Imagine that. Well guess what? GOOD! Honesty is the beginning of deliverance. Never be ashamed of what God can deliver you from.

I had to google search the term because it’s been years since I last heard it. A goody two- shoes in simple terms is a people-pleaser and God cannot use or connect with one.

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You Are God’s Treasure

Love produces change. Cruelty to oneself just makes you feel guilty and icky. It is self-sabotage. When you love and embrace your worth, you are able to make better choices. Not out of obligation, guilt or fear but out of deep inner conviction. You stop settling and start wanting the best with humility. You will begin to nurture, love and encourage yourself like a treasured friend. You will enforce healthy boundaries and learn how to say no with strength and confidence.

If you are a temple where God dwells, we all know people take great care of sacred places and items. How much more are we to care for our whole selves: body, mind and spirit. Holiness transforms a person completely and holiness says: “I must not be defiled.” Cruelty will defile you, so love: truly truly love.

 

Freedom In Christ

Freedom is a mentality not a condition. How do I know this? Well, the Bible touches on many points about faith and belief in God. We are not putting our mental focus on ourselves, capabilities, or circumstances but we put our faith, hope and trust in Christ who saves us from sin and the sting of death. This brings healing and freedom that self-effort cannot.

It took me two years to become who I am today. We all know that I have been alive for a couple years now (Laugh ) but what I mean is, the transformed person I am today took two years. It was a grueling process of God exposing things in my heart and then making a decision to seek God for help. At first it was hard and confusing. It was unbearable and I found myself running away from God or hiding from Him. Other times I’d get angry, throw a tantrum and say I’m doing my own thing. Lately, I have seen a big change in my response to God. I don’t hide, I don’t run and I don’t throw tantrums. I have learned the seriousness of falling on my face and seeking the Lord for guidance and healing. My mind has changed. No longer do I see things how I use to. In the past, I would be anxious and flighty. Wanting everything to be perfect and instant. But today, I understand the importance of waiting on God and perseverance. Paul says we must run the good race and fight the good fight. David encourages the saints to wait PATIENTLY on God. I have learned that blessings aren’t necessarily material like people want to force feed us today. Blessings are wrapped up in the gift of a relationship with God through Christ by the power of the Holy Spirit. Blessings are the fruit we produce as we stay connected to the vine (Christ). Blessings can be found in the little daily provisions and the little hands and feet God sends to minister to us. It’s not always about wealth, power and success. It is not about being the best or a know-it-all. It is about receiving God, walking with God and being transformed by God.

Freedom is not a condition. I’m quite sure the same people that made me feel bad for not attaining a certain status or place in life, would have the same thing to say now. Back then, I was very distraught over these things. I would try to work harder and better only to fall right back on my face. But the me now doesn’t care. Say what you want but I am where I need to be. I may not be rich, I may not have flashy things and I may not have much BUT I AM NOT THE SAME! I have changed! The Lord brought me out of my mental Egypt, took the shackles off my mind and melted the cold ice from around my heart. He dried up tears and touched my aching body. So it would be offensive and disrespectful to throw it all in God’s face because of things people say to me. It would be so offensive to throw it all in God’s face when in my mind and spirit I am at peace. I would not trade this for any amount of riches in this world. I have something…a treasure…that no one can take away! I am an asset not a liability.

I hope this encourages you, reader, to accept and have hope. If you are poor and struggling, sick and discouraged; if you feel hurt and betrayed etc. turn your focus on God. Tell Him all that bothers you. Throw your tantrums, cry, scream and yell but whatever you do, don’t turn away. God will meet you where you are and He will help you. That is a promise. Jesus said He is the bread of life and the living waters. He will quench and satisfy the longings of our soul. He will build you up and make you like a strong tree.

One day you will wake up and be at total peace. Nothing on the outside might have changed but YOU CHANGED. Don’t cling to God for material blessings. Christ is more than enough. You must be so in love with Christ that even the threat of death will not turn you away. You must be able to walk away from anything that will come between you and God. That is true freedom!

Just A Thought…

People see the outward part of us. What we show to the world, but God sees the inner man. The places in our heart, mind, soul and spirit that even we cannot see. Unlike man that loves a performance and a show, God looks at the heart. He looks at the source. He sees the hidden things and if we allow Him, He can clean every nook and cranny until we are spotless.

I believe this is why God said do not focus on pleasing people. People usually do not care what’s on the inside, they just like seeing pretty things. They like to be entertained. If you try to please everyone, you will not only burn yourself out, but lose yourself in the process.

This ties into being who you were created to be. You were born special and unique. There is no competition in God’s kingdom. Moses was not like Joseph and both of them were not like David or Daniel but God used all of them and loved them all. The one thing they had in common was their love for God but their temperaments, life story and callings/ministries were different. We are one body with many parts. All parts are necessary and important for healthy function. So don’t compete. Don’t compare. Be free and be YOU and love God with all your heart because he saved you from the competition and stress of the world.

Here is a quote I came up with in the quietness of my own thoughts :

“The me of today can only do what I can do at this present time. And, I cannot do today, what I can do tomorrow. But, if I keep doing today what I can do for now, I know I’ll get better in time for tomorrow.”

Tomorrow is dependent on God. He forms the new day, calling it into existence. He keeps the world functioning as it should. He cares about the intimate details of our lives and so all progress in our lives rest in his hands. There is something different about the Kingdom of Heaven that is different than the system of this world. We use to rely on our own ideologies and our own will and strength but those things can crumble and fade away through the pressures of life and even in the face of death. But there is something supernatural about the system of heaven. It’s more about dependence on God. A faith that is reliant on God’s power, wisdom and knowledge but not our own.

I had a realization that unless we allow God to empty us, and refill us with Himself, we will never become who we were created to be, reaching our full potential. We will always be putting on a show. A source of entertainment for people to enjoy and feel comfortable, but true change is uncomfortable, forcing people to see beyond themselves and into the Light of Christ.

The Journey to Love

These last few months, God has been taking me through a journey through love. He began to open my eyes to the people around me. He exposed things within myself and others. The information given was given with the purpose of healing.

I say this for a reason. Sometimes we think all information we receive is from God. The way I can tell if it is or isn’t, is how my heart responds to it. If the information was meant for me to hate someone or myself or is that information given for me to seek forgiveness or give it.

With all the information I’ve received, it felt like system overload. The journey is hard. It is emotional. It leaves you naked and exposed. It leaves you vulnerable, but in a good way. You see, I could be hiding in the shadows. However, true love doesn’t allow someone to hide away in shame. It allows the person to fall on their face and know for a fact that there is a loving God that will embrace them.

I say this all the time and mean it :true and pure love comes from God. I had gotten tired of hearing how loveless I was from the very people I had looked to for love. The very people who told me I wasn’t loving, failed to love me. So, how convincing are you if you do not even embody what you expect from me? Unlike some people that go searching for love, I accepted a life without it. I wasn’t looking for love nor did I care for it. I was content living my life and being successful. I worked hard at everything. I had dreams and goals and I was very happy with them. However, I had reached the end of myself and my goals and dreams could only get me so far. I do not say this with any anger or shame. I say this with joy. The very people that failed to love me, I now see them as incomplete. I cannot hate them. Why should I? They need to experience that same love of God like I did.

I am free. This word came with a price. I had to lose everything to gain my life! But I thank God for the process because I can truly say I know who God is. God is love. This is truth. This cannot be argued or changed. God is love. Pure and true love. No ones love can come close. We must always love people with the hope of pointing them to the ultimate love of God. Our love is never complete. It cannot compare. Our love cannot save. Our love cannot heal. Our love cannot change if it is not rooted in who Christ is. Everything must point back to him.

Thank you Lord for your love personified through Jesus Christ. Thank you for his life, his ministry and his example. May we always strive to be like Jesus in all we do by the power of your Holy Spirit. In Jesus name, Amen.

 

 

Contentment

I feel as if these last few days, especially today, that I’m on a purge. The last couple of weeks leading up to yesterday were hard internally.  I have finally allowed myself to listen to the still, small voice,( I had no choice lol) and one by one, the stressors in my life were dropping off like dead flies. All my pent up frustrations came out. They still bombard my mind here and there, but now I see it as a purge. My mind is processing everything and bring it to the  surface.   However, it  is my duty to face them, not ignore them. When I get these memories, I process them and sort them out. I slap the word of God on them too, when necessary. I’m basically talking some sense into me.

It’s so strange that as I am writing this, I feel emotional. ( No, I’m not crying, I promise.) I just feel this burst of joy for the first time ever. True Joy. Like everything will be Okay because God says so. I feel like I’m in surgery and God is my doctor. He’s doing some intense surgery.

I woke up today and saw my true beauty for the first time. Physical and everything else. Not from a place of retaliation or that fake it till you make it phase, but truly accepting and embracing who I am today. I don’t feel that rush I usually feel. But I know that if I ever feel like rushing, God always puts something in my way to slow me down. So there is no point. The slowing down process is painful! Lol

I believe that the more I learn about Christ, the more I learn about myself.

 

It’s an amazing feeling. I guess I can call it contentment. Yes… That’s what I’ll call it…

 

 

 

Love That Changes!

I just finished reading an article about a man that was born with a tumor in the middle of his forehead and a leg deformity. He spoke about his mother who, when she first saw him after he was born, considered him too ugly and wished he would die. Over time, she warmed up to him and was very honest about what she thought about him as he grew up. She made up in her mind to love him with honesty and in that he grew up understanding his place in the world.

He grew up, got married and had a baby girl in his 30th year. What amazed me about this story is that this man was able to live a full life, get married/embrace love and create a little family of his own. Instead of wallowing in self-pity over his appearance and disability, he instead was able to live a full life.

Those of us that are physically whole, we shamelessly call ourselves ugly, treat ourselves with such contempt and allow hateful comments of others dictate our self worth. I hear so many people who feel too inadequate to find love, too inadequate to make good and lasting friendships, too inadequate.

We must see our beauty, even in our lack. To see our worth, even when others refuse to respect it. We owe this to ourselves. Being too fat, too skinny, born with brown eyes instead of green, not having perfect teeth, perfect family members…these are silly superficial things! Lord help us!

My heart is bursting from this story and the tears that streak my face as I write this, serve as a testimony of how I had to overcome my own negative self-talk. Accept all of you. Embrace who you are with class and dignity! Like Tasha Cobb sang : “You are loved and it doesn’t matter who don’t like it!”

Whether your life lives up to the standards of others, doesn’t matter! Create a life that you want! A life that suits your personality and gives you a sense of fulfillment. Love yourself and cultivate good character and habits. Dress your body like you love it! Feed your body like it’s a holy temple! Because love springs forth when we have it within. A love that cannot be contained and overflows like a mighty rushing river. A love that engulfs and transforms. A secure, quiet love. A love that isn’t loud and self-seeking but a love that exudes! It becomes part of your DNA! Love changes things!

 

To read the story, click here.

The Seed Is the WORD OF GOD

The seed of faith is the word of God not money. There is a lot of deception floating around about money being a seed. A lot of well meaning people fall into this farce but plain and simple the seed of faith is the word of God and it is planted in our hearts and produces the harvest of the fruit of the Spirit.

The greatest scheme of the enemy is to get us to distort the word of God because the word of God is what produces our harvest. We are to store treasures in heaven not bribe God with money to get a blessing. I hold on to this truth because it is the word of God that will bring my deliverance in all areas of life.

It’s not good works, it’s not going to church every Sunday, it’s not looking the part and saying the right things, but diligently depositing the word of God into the temple and believing that God will produce the increase!

Galatians 5:22-23 (NIV) “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.”

Wholeness is what God wants for us. He wants to make us whole! This means producing fruit in all areas of our lives. Whether it be self-control or showing love towards self and others, or having peace despite all circumstances, etc. These are the things God wants for us.

Another point I want to make is, we must work on ourselves before we can ever minister to others. We must allow the Holy Spirit to minister to us in this way first, being kind to ourselves first before we can ever do so for others. Sometimes God will enable us to help others along the way, but ultimately a relationship with God comes before ministry!

I am at a place where I am allowing God to minster to me. To bring me to a place of wholeness in Him and to rely solely on his Word alone.

This means more to me than any material goals I have. It means more to me than any other relationship I have. Because true peace comes from inside of us not the outside.

No one and no thing can fill the void in our hearts like God can. It is truly the Word of God that sets us free, every single day, step by step. A process we go through every day of our lives.

I learned something important. Sin can be conquered, Jesus told us he already did that. We do not fight sin as believers but TEMPTATION. There is a different. Sin leads to death and is a state. After we are delivered from a sin or a lifestyle/habit of disobedience, we are now walking in obedience and righteousness. We must now preserve this righteous state by resisting the devil aka temptation through prayer and feeding the spirit with God’s word. This is the example that Jesus gave is in the desert. He didn’t allow circumstances : being hungry and tired, deter him from his state of righteousness. He didn’t give into his flesh: literally his natural needs. We too can be like Christ because this he promised us! Cling to the promises of Christ! All that he has done, is freely given to us! What a mighty God we serve!

Money and the lust of the flesh will lead us astray if we put our confidence in that and twist the word for own selfish gain. Being a christian is rewarding, freeing and truly life changing but it comes with a price. It means we give up everything we once knew and take up the cross of Jesus. It means not always having our own way but submitting to a holy God. In time, this becomes our own nature. We feel joy in the things of God and are disgusted by things that God hates. But we must be willing to crucify, kill, destroy, annihilate the flesh. We must resurrect Godly boundaries and walk in humility and God given authority to speak, confess and believe what God promised. We will offend many because we no longer please the world but please God. They will never understand but we must be like Jesus and say ” I’m about my Father’s business.”

Source: https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Galatians+5%3A22-23

The Way Papa God Loves Me

I cannot hide from you, O Lord. Your love is so large and too grand to contain, to comprehend.

And yet,it is that love that captivates my soul and brings me to tears. It is that love that changes me.

Lord, you are willing to talk to me, personally. “Let’s talk,” you’d say. “Let’s work things out, my precious daughter,” you’d tell me.

You are a fair Papa with no favorites. I know you are just and I can trust you with my life. You do not leave me wandering in the dark, lost and confused. You counsel me along the way. You comfort me when the heart is bleeding. Wounds that time won’t heal.

You deal with me personally. You are not a generic God. A one-size- fits-all-kinda-problem-solver.

You get right to the heart of the matter. You are brutally honest, your word cuts me down but brings me to life, a better life. Hanging out with you makes me more like you, the ultimate role model!

Thank you sweet Papa God for your everlasting and unfailing love.