Tag Archives: people

The Dream That Spoke To My Spirit

I had a dream last night

that dream spoke to the depths of my soul

and ignited my spirit ablaze.

A quiet anger, contemplative thoughts

that propelled me to free fall into the ocean of my

pain.

And in that pain I found an answer.

I found the answer I was looking for and a solution that requires nothing more than

me being my authentic self.

I remember reading about the Samaritan woman and Jesus telling her

a day will come when we will worship as we are.

Casting down all that keeps us looking clean and untouched on the outside.

I realized the beauty of brokenness and approaching God hurt and busted.

The awesomeness of approaching God angry.

In my mess, all I could do was cry out. All I could do was cry.

You see, we have to pretend we have it all figured out. We have to pretend

“fake it till we make it”, pretend we love people, put on a stupid show and everyone

is festering and rotting on the inside. We have dead eyes and fake smiles, lukewarm handshakes, show off hallelujahs ….

where are people that are willing to go up to the altar broken.

Where are the people willing to wail and cry before God?

Where are those that are mad, confused, hurt and battered?

Where are those weary and faint?

Where are the lame, the weak, the widowed and the fatherless?

Where are the poor and the hungry?

Where are the forgotten, abandoned and rejected?

Where are the sinners and the backsliders?

Truth be told, they are right here. You and me.

And yet, we pretend to be everything we are not.

We are told that we must come to God perfect, we must always be perfect

and yet, people are sharing false doctrine, feel good gospel and promise of prosperity.

We are feeding the shepard but the shepard isn’t feeding the flock.  The sheep has to protect the shepard, but the shepard let’s his sheep wander off.  If you are the so called keeper of our souls, why are we keeping yours? Don’t elevate yourself to the place where only God can sit.

We hold spiritual gifts as markers of conversion but not fruit. We bribe God with tithes and offerings.

We dangle our faults and our lack thereof as a way to boast of how spiritual we are.

We pretend, go to church, get angry, gossip, undermine and hurt each other only to continue that cycle.

We tolerate abuse and injustice in the name of Christ, when there are times when we must stand up against injustice and abuse!

Who are we?

My dream opened the flood gates of my mind and heart

and I am flying among the things I can no longer tolerate.

This is what change does. It’s not always clear cut and comforting.

Sometimes it’s dirty, like child birth : bloody, painful and yet, rewarding.

I want to believe I’m free.

I must believe I’m free.

The dream that will change everything.

 

Ya Bettah Know Who You Be!

OH MY GOODNESS!

Let me tell you something guys!

Let me warn you! If you don’t know who you are and what you want in this world, people will dictate it for you!

I know what I want is typically unusual and I sometimes act really quirky and odd, but I embrace who I am!

If you have a title or a position in church, please, I beg of you to be careful of what you pray over people. I leave every time feeling misunderstood and alone. No one gets me. They assume everything about me but no one ever sat down to talk with me and get to know me and why I’m there. It was then, that I realize that some churches are not what they are suppose to be.

I left feeling horrible, not uplifted. No one came to ask me how I felt or if I wanted to talk. They just left me there.

My walk with God is lonely.  No one cares to hear my story. No one cares to listen. So, I bottle it all up inside. It wasn’t until a few moments ago that I realized something powerful. Every time someone tries to put me down or tell me who I am, that is when I know I’m on the right track. Every time that happens, something good comes out of their negative words.

We are to uplift not tear down.

I held on to every single dream I had in my heart. I told some people and they tried to discourage me or tell me why I can’t do it.  I’ve been misjudged by those I cared about. They choose not to love and encourage me but to kick me when I was down. This came from various people, whether in church or not.

The greatest thing I have is my faith and integrity. Without these two things, I am nothing.

Faith doesn’t equate perfection. I will tell you I had my moments of doubt. I had my moments where I wanted to die and give up. Life was just too unbearable. Suffering is inevitable.

But this time around, despite my nonsense, despite the pain, I held on to God. I was angry with Him, but I didn’t run away from Him. I stood still in my anger and raged through it. I experienced every single feeling: from anger to hopelessness to despair.

I can honestly say that today, I feel a lot better. It happened through a small prayer in bed before I fell asleep. I admitted that I was wrong and I simply said I will no longer fear anything.

It was that simple. I mean seriously, it was just that simple. I do not know what tomorrow will bring, in terms of my mood, but I will take it a day at a time.

The Christian walk is marked by ups and downs. I decided not to hold on to the guilt of missing the mark but to embrace the grace that Christ had died for. I admitted I was wrong and that I needed Christ Daily.

I also found an article that reminded me just how important spiritual discipline is. I became overwhelmed with trying to better my life, but everything flows from my spiritual health. Not physical, mental or emotional health but my SPIRITUAL HEALTH. Everything flows from God.

He gives us wisdom and understanding. He directs where we go and influences the decisions we make. He sets things in order, behind the scenes. He ordains our future and destiny.

Without Him, our efforts are empty. Personally, without Him I can’t even survive. Literally, God has become the very essence of my well-being. I don’t feel healthy without Him. I begin to wither and die like a plant.

The source of my joy is right relationship with Him. My heart became dirty with disappointment and fear. I was too busy to read the bible, pray or even worship through song. God was literally squeezed out of my life because I had too much going on.

I also blamed Him for certain things in my life, instead of trusting that all things will work together for my good.

Despite all of my failures, God has kept me and given me peace this day. It took a bad situation for me to see the truth. I must always remind myself of  who God is and what I know about myself.

I will never be loud or arrogant to prove anything to anyone. I will quietly leave my mark on this earth. I want to be known as the Woman that loved God and walked with Him. For in my weaknesses, He is gloried and in my victories, He is declared King.

Those that love you, will seek to understand you. As Christians, we are called to love one another. That means to truly get to know those we are serving and in fellowship with. Not judging them, putting them in a box and then tossing them aside to move on. Truly connect with people and help them where they are.

 

That is all for now,

 

What Do You Want?

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

This is an on whim post.

I am not only sharing this but it’s documentation for future reference. I will save this in the bin of things to read after a year or two.

This weekend was stressful. I haven’t had to deal with this issue in a long time and it was quite a shock for me to deal with it once again. You know when you get tired of dealing with an issue for years but feel trapped? You’ve tried everything possible but nothing works.

I’m going to be real and raw : when you pray to God and ask for help and he gives you 1 million encouraging words like : peace and hold on and go forth and be strong, only for you to stare that same problem in the face.

You’ve tried everything, nothing works. You reach out for help but people don’t care, don’t understand. They leave you there to figure it out on your own but wonder why you don’t want anything to do with them.

We live in a world where people are cruel. People don’t care about you until you’re dead. Then they will say, I wish I knew or I wish I had done something to prevent this from happening. But all the while, you had asked them for help but they didn’t care to help.

So one day, I was fed up and took a leap of faith. Where I am today was because of my own hard work, vision and faith in God.

I have made peace with the fact that people don’t care and are cruel. These people will try to kill your dreams. They will open their mouths and use their words to kill you. If you are in a broken place, they will succeed. The only way to protect yourself in a broken place is to have selective hearing.

YOU MUST SHUN AT ALL COST anything negative being spoken to you. It’s not anything  mystical, it’s a simple fact that your ears are a gateway to your heart. Your eyes and ears are gateways to your heart. Your mouth is the exit of your heart. So those people are speaking from what is in their hearts. But if you listen and observe what they are saying, they can begin to shape and mold you.

You must NOT allow anyone to plant that seed in your heart. Everything you become starts from your heart. This is why the Bible warns us about guarding our hearts.

The greatest way to silence your enemies is to continue living your life as if their words have no weight. Your mere presence is a threat to them and that’s their battle to fight.

So I ask, ” what do you want? What makes you happy?” Do what YOU want without apology. If it’s wrong, God will make it right. If it’s too far left, God will push it a little more to the left. Let GOD mold you, not people. Don’t you ever do anything simply because people say so, but because you know in your heart it’s the right thing to do. Everyone is living their lives, including those trying to dictate yours.

The greatest thing you could ever do is accept yourself as you are.

The way you are is perfect and God can use you as you are right now. Perfectionism is a sham. It’s just there to keep you crippled in an infinite loop of madness,  unlike the line of progression of authenticity.

Being authentic comes with a price: you will have people that love you and those that hate you. At first it might seem as if everyone hates you but there will be those that will identify you and admire you. The beauty of it is that when you were trying to please people and remain unnoticed by fitting in, people still hated you. But now  you know who loves you as the real you.

Everyone goes through this. The journey between childhood and adulthood is a turbulent one. It is an uncertain phase and you must learn to shift out what you have been taught with what is truth. Not everything taught is truth.

Who do you want to be? I stopped asking God what I should do with my life. You will either know from youth or walk into it as you live. Most of us walk into it. God doesn’t reveal things at once. If so, then we wouldn’t need him and life would be predicable. What would we learn? For those that already know, only know so much.

Life is like jumping in the dark. You can’t see beyond eye view and sometimes you can’t see at all. You must take jumps: some small and some big. Where you land, the floor tiles light up, enabling you to see. As you keep jumping,3 you are able to see what was behind you and from eye view, what’s around you. If you refuse to jump, you won’t be able to see or make progress.

We also jump in our own ways. Some of us only have one leg. Some of us have a crutch. Others have both legs. Some of us are taller and some shorter. Others of us are heavier and some lighter. The way we jump and how we land are influenced by these factors. People might say one way is better than the other but that’s not true. God made you as you are and even if it was from life’s circumstances, this is who you are. The way you jump and land is YOUR STORY and it’s a unique one. It’s YOURS. Striving for the unknown, best jump is not only ignorant but a waste of time. We shouldn’t strive to have the same story but to find ways to share our own unique stories. We will find our people. We will find common ground with those that jump differently but we are all here to motivate and encourage one another to jump.

When we bicker and fight we stop jumping. Then our world becomes dark and we can only see what’s behind us.

This year I’ve thrown down the veil of perfectionism and take up the mantle of faith.

I will walk as I am, talk as I am and live as I am. I will keep jumping and leaping and landing. I will let my leaps paint a picture of light around me.

With faith, no one can crush you. With faith, no one can take away your dreams or your joy. With faith, hope follows and with hope there is peace.

The bible says do not fear EVIL people with their wicked schemes.

Be still in the presence of the LORD, and wait patiently for him to act. Don’t worry about evil people who prosper or fret about their wicked schemes. Psalm 37:7 NLT

Just keep leaping and landing and one day you’ll find yourself where you need to be. The Lord is faithful to guide our imperfect steps. He is God and we are not. Accept who you are and cling tightly to the one who has the power to save you.

 

 

The Freedom of Solitude, Embrace it.

There is this saying floating around that being alone is a horrible thing and you’re doomed in life if you embrace that lifestyle.

This beautiful Wednesday morning,  I hear the birds chirping…I just finished a warm bowl of oatmeal and now I’m listening to the light clicking of my fingers typing away,  I have something I want to share with  you.

You will find yourself in seasons of solitude. It might be voluntary or involuntary, and I’ve come to tell you that it’s okay. It’s okay, don’t fret, don’t cry. Don’t pace back and forth in your living room. Don’t dive under the blanket and eat a tub of ice cream. Nothing is wrong with you. You are not less of a person because no one is around. Solitude is a great time to re-affirm your beliefs. A great time to slow down and get things done. It’s a great opportunity to have less social commitments and simply go outside and mingle with people for the sake of doing so. Think of it as a new adventure.

6/27/2017

LittleEverydayBlessings.com

You are about to embark on a journey. You are about to discover a whole new aspect to life, by yourself. You won’t have people nagging you, questioning your decisions, you are free to explore without limitations. If you had a fall out with people in your past, deal with it, bitterness is not cute. It will form clouds on that beautiful, radiant face of yours and we don’t want that.

Have friends that cramp your style and make you question your existence? Maybe it’s time to be like Abraham and let go of Lot. Is it healthy to be in constant turmoil when you can go to the opposite side of town and be in peace?

We live in a world where no one is free to simply be. We are pressured to have forced and labored interactions. Forced to smile when we don’t want to. Forced to be fake and pretend life is something grand when sometimes it’s not. It’s beautiful when you can smile because you know why you’re smiling, even if it’s something small and insignificant. It’s a great feeling to connect with someone honestly, and not just putting on appearances to make it seem as if you’re getting along. Joy cannot be manufactured.

I feel free just sharing this with you. It’s like a heavy burden was lifted off my shoulders the moment I stopped allowing people’s comments to dictate my feelings. I have always embraced my need for solitude and the seasons of solitude in my life, but I’ve also been criticized for it. Now, I’m not saying being alone and moping around is healthy for anyone, but if you are truly embracing the beauty of solitude and being alone , what’s the issue? Can someone tell me? No you can’t, so don’t even bother. Laughs.

Don’t Give Up!

Last week, God sent his little hands and feet into my life to receive love. He opened my eyes to receive love without being needy for it and to appreciate without expectation.

These little hands and feet were sent by God at a specific and appointed time. I was so down in my spirit. It wasn’t depression but anger and frustration. I cried out to God, scanned His word but at the time, nothing was able to soothe my heart. God gave me instructions but at the time it made no sense. So, being the loving papa He is, He sent his little ministers to pour into my soul.

One was a smile that expressed genuine love! It touched my heart so deeply. Another was a kind word, the Lord using her as a mouth piece from heaven to encourage me to keep on going and to know that He sees me and hasn’t forgotten about me. Two times was I taken out for lunch, and spent time with people and shared laughs. It was medicine for my soul.

I thank God for each person He used. Most of all I thank Him because He is always speaking to me,  always comforting me and always guiding me. I must believe that I hear from Him, that He is a sovereign God ( A post about God’s sovereignty coming soon.) and that He truly loves me.

“Don’t give up” is what I’m hearing today. Don’t give up! Let everything go and let God establish me.

Don’t give up! Continue to seek Him, obey Him and Love Him.

The highlight of my week was when I curled up into a ball and just laid there and talked to God about everything! I got up close to my heavenly father and shared what was on my heart. I became an honest person. God sees everything so why hide it? So I told Him and He was faithful to comfort me and give me answers. His Word ( the Bible) is LIFE! He lead me to scriptures…even specific books and chapters ( I did not memorize them). So I know that He gives knowledge to those that seek Him.

Let me tell you. My journey with the Lord never leaves me bored. Tired, yes, but never bored. Laughs hysterically.

Smile.

It’s Time To Go Higher!

I woke up recently, feeling a bit disturbed by my own thoughts and what I have allowed in my own life for the last couple of years. I was displeased in myself for seeking and taking advice from people who knew nothing about my situation, who sometimes gave advice simply to make themselves feel better; and I reduced myself to a mere product of society.

I realized that in the quest for worldly success, all true sense is thrown out the window and we become mindless drones. The quest for superficial beauty, tons of money, and all the comforts in life, drowns out what truly matters most.

I’d sway back and forth between my love for God and my love for success and end up no where anyway.

However, the Lord has been gracious to me, and I see tremendous growth in myself. I thank the Lord for this. It was all because of His pursuit for me to return to Him, that I am where I am today.

The true desire of my heart is to worship the Lord with everything I am. To be who I am outside what other people expect of me, to find my own voice and to silence those that wish to dictate who I should me to sedate their own jealousy. Yes, jealousy. It’s an evil disease of the heart that can infect mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers, neighbors and enemies. It can spring up in the depths of a person’s soul and takes a whole lot to remove.

It hurt me for a while to even think that I’d have to fight the jealous scorn of people but there is one thing I realized. I realized that reducing yourself to please people, to get them to love you, to make them leave you alone is not the answer. They will always find something to hate. Always find a reason to put you down. It is not your fault. Even if you have no human support, remember that the Lord loves you.

After reading Psalms 119, my heart was soothed by the words of desperation in the hearts of godly men, who found comfort in the Word of God despite persecution. They threw down the quest for money and pleasure and sought the salvation of the Lord : which is His unfailing love. God tells me all the time,  ” I love you with an unfailing love.” While people in life will let you down, and we will let ourselves down; we can find comfort and strength in the love of God.

It goes on to say that when your enemies rise up against you, focus on the Word of God or His commandments. Instead of trying to find a solution to everything, these men cried out to God for His help. They believed that God is the one that sorts out conflict and they just cling to him and tell everyone about his law.

The more I tried to defend myself, prove myself or succeed to make my enemies feel ashamed, the worse I felt. It can only get you so far. You become so focused on them that you forget about God and yourself. You forget what truly makes you happy. You forget how to live.

True freedom comes from pursuing God. It doesn’t even come from pursuing passions, relationships or success.

Many people will harshly judge a poor man with a great heart but love a rich man with a filthy heart simply because he is successful. God sees that poor, gentle heart and he will always be with him. That is what I want. The comfort and peace of the Lord. I had to suffer, go through pain and hardship to truly understand what matters most. I had to suffer so I could make a conscious decision to give up all the desires of my heart to be with God. And if he so chooses to bless me with all my desires, once more, I must surrender to the process. I must surrender to Him. I must not try to work it out on my own but to hand it all over to him.

This process of surrender is truly hard. It is hard and many days you feel crazy. People will look at you like you’re a lunatic, just as they did Noah who built an ark, Abraham and Sarah who were old and waiting for their promised child and even Jesus who was accused of many things simply because he defied all what people had expected him to be. People will judge you, call you a child of Satan ( even when you know for a fact you serve God), they will isolate you and speak ill of you to your face. Some will put you down any chance you get or even use you for their own selfish ambition.

I’m going to be real here and say, don’t be dainty in your prayers. God already knows your heart. How many times have I lied to myself, trying to work out the scriptures on my own. Do you really think you can love anyone on your own? No, you need God. The Bible encourages us to pray always. David was blunt about his feelings towards his enemies. When Jesus said pray for your enemies, I don’t think he just meant dainty little prayers. Sometimes we need to be honest and say “God, guess what! I do not like this!” Tell him! Ask him! Cry out to him. Don’t curse your enemies but ask God for strength. Ask God to help you sort out your feelings. You don’t need a therapist or a shrink but the ONE who created you and your enemies. And the greatest thing we are to do for our enemies is to tell them about God. Yes! Keep talking about God and who He is to you. Do not shut up your testimony and do not stop talking about the goodness of God. They will get mad, they might even get violent but never shut up about who God is. Don’t enable your enemies. We live in a world where people are afraid to speak the truth and correct. Did Jesus , when he addressed the jealous religious leaders, hold back the truth from them? Did he just keep silent? No! How can anyone know the truth if we hold it in? Is that what love is nowadays?

The church has watered down what love is suppose to look like. We have become a compromised and laid back sort of people. We are afraid to be like the early church and the prophets of old and proclaim the word of God without fear. I have been guilty of this time to time as well.

I have given up all selfish pursuits in this life. When I looked in the mirror of truth recently, I realized that I lost all sense of normalcy. I didn’t know how to eat like a normal person because I was afraid of gaining weight. I forgot how to have fun because I was determined to overcome every single set back in my life. Stress was an intimate friend of mine and I told God one day that He needed to help me or else I’d be dead in a few years. The answer to stress is easy. Submit to the Lord. Truly submit. The answer does not reside in us…it resides in His presence. It resides in knowing who He is as a real person. We call the Trinity the Persons. Well, God is a person  and since He made us in HIS image he has feelings, thoughts and a will like us. It is not natural for me to be dependent on someone, I had to learn dependency through trials, but the more I sought help, the easier life became. We were not created to be a one man or woman band!

My decision is to stop worrying, stop trying to fit everything together like a jig-saw puzzle. Stop over-thinking, stop trying to fix everything and everyone, stop trying to do it all. JUST STOP. Breathe, slow down and then pray. Jesus said do not worry about tomorrow…do not worry about the future because the future has it’s own problems. It’s a day by day process. Everyday! King Solomon was truly wise when He wrote all His words of wisdom down. We want to eat nasty flavorless food in the name of being healthy but the truth is we cannot add another day to our own lives. It is God that determines the course of our lives. But I’ll leave that for another post.

I am on the quest to find understanding! I am on the quest to find wisdom. I am on the quest to find discernment. I am on the quest to find Christ and through Him, see the Father. I know I am up for a challenge of the lifetime because I’ll be fighting Satan, his minions and most of all MYSELF!

No more stretching in areas of life that are wasteful and pointless but to stretch in the Kingdom of God and His righteousness. His word never lies. If I do those things, He will, in His own marvelous way, provide all my needs. It’s time to go higher!

 

Respect

Respect isn’t earned, it’s a right. We don’t pick and choose who deserves respect or when to give respect. It is something that everyone, regardless of who they are or what they have done, deserves. We are all created in the image of God. We are loved not because of what we do and don’t do but because God loves us with an unmerited, eternal love.

That’s why we shouldn’t repay evil, with evil but to do good to those that persecute us.

We also have the right to say no. To remove people from our lives that do not treat us with respect. It would be an injustice to allow people to mistreat you all for a false sense of kindness. God gives us discernment and he tells us exactly when we are to endure for the sake of the gospel or to flee. God loves us so much, he will not leave us in the dark. He will not leave us to figure things out on our own. At the end of the day, true love and kindness comes from God. It is not something we do just for the sake of doing it. It is not by our works that we are saved but through salvation through Jesus Christ.

 

From today, I purpose to do everything for God. I know that if I do things for him, it will be healthy and in wisdom.

Random Love.

Never be a martyr or a people pleaser. Someone who makes the people around you comfortable before you are even comfortable. You will become a target for various kinds of people simply because you have no boundaries. Like I mentioned before in another post, those that love you will not exhaust you. They won’t use or deplete you. As you invest in them, they will invest in you. Be mindful of their words and actions. Be sure that they line up.

Don’t put too much emotion or trust in those who do not even give you an explanation or make any effort in helping you understand what they want. Communication is the foundation to every healthy relationship. Someone that loves you would WANT to communicate and come to a conclusion.

In our world, love is scarce. It’s not something human beings naturally have. Parents are usually love-less and then those traits are passed down to their children. It takes just one person open and willing to learn and acquire love to change their environment. Before we can change our world we must allow God to change us first. We need to take the time to grow in love. Growing in love is painful. We start seeing our flaws. We begin to see the flaws in others. We begin to see what doesn’t work. We begin to feel. However, there is a flip side. We also begin to see our own transformations. We learn how to interact with others or when not to interact with others. We stop caring so much about the silly things and start investing in meaningful things. We learn how to celebrate others. We learn how to keep our dignity. We become people of integrity.

We are all imperfect but once we start seeking change, it will come. I’m learning to accept that some of us are learning and some of us will always be in a rut. Surround yourself with people who are learning. Help those who are learning. And yes, remove the rut dwellers. Maybe or may not they will find that spark that will ignite their passion for learning. If not, that is their own problem to fix. Accept that only God can change people, NOT US. We are only called to understand.

Love starts from the inside out. God said, love your neighbor AS yourself. Not more or less. Most of all love God with everything we have. Without that, we won’t even know where to start on our quest towards love.

Forgive yourself and others. Seek God for ultimate forgiveness. Always remind yourself of who you are and who you will become.

Be joyful always!